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there are more and more students work a part-time job in their free time. At this point, some people think that students are advisable to spend most of their time on school studies. However, others believe that participating in a working environment when they are students is very beneficial.

there are more and more students work a part-time job in their free time. At this point, some people think that students are advisable to spend most of their time on school studies. However, others believe that participating in a working environment when they are students is very beneficial. Ow0V7
Nowadays, there are more and more students work a part-time job in their free time. At this point, some people think that students are advisable to spend most of their time on school studies. However, others believe that participating in a working environment when they are students is very beneficial. I totally agree with second point and I will present outstanding reason below. First and foremost, there is no doubt that temporary job helps us have benefit gained during the experience. A part-time job can simply be a practice for a future career. For instance, if student wishes to be a pharmacist, he or she can start by having a part-time job in a pharmacy. Futhermore, numerous skills such as teamwork, communication, leadership, time management and independent work can be developed. Therefore, it is a good idea to pratice a part-time job in student time as it provides the experiences and skills needed for furture. In addition, taking a part-time job means students can pay a part of their living cost, and at the same time relieve their parents of their burden. On the other hand, running between their workplace and university has made busy for students. As a result, they get exhauted, and may even skip classes to take a nap after a long day of hard work. Moreover, students may experience stress dur to difficult or time-consuming project. In other words, if they do not balance and manage time, the will receive bad study result. Also, it can endanger their health mentally and physically. To sum up, as I mentioned above, with the development and expansion of the economic system, there are more and more options for students to obtain part-time jobs. Also, there are numerous reasons that students are advisable to experient some part-time jobs, however, the negative effects should be considered, too.
Nowadays, there are more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
work a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. At this point,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are advisable to spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on school studies.
However
, others believe that participating in a working environment when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with second point and I will present outstanding reason below.

First
and foremost, there is no doubt that temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us have benefit gained during the experience. A part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can
simply
be a practice for a future career.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
wishes to be a pharmacist, he or she can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
by having a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in a pharmacy.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as teamwork, communication, leadership,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management and independent work can
be developed
.
Therefore
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
pratice
a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as it provides the experiences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
needed for
Possible spelling mistake found.
furture
.
In addition
, taking a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can pay a part of their living cost, and at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
relieve their parents of their burden.

On the other hand
, running between their workplace and university has made busy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake found.
exhauted
, and may even skip classes to take a nap after a long day of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
Possible spelling mistake found.
dur
to difficult or time-consuming project.
In other words
, if they do not balance and manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
Did you mean "they", "that" or "there"?
the
will receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
study result.
Also
, it can endanger their health mentally and
physically
.

To sum up, as I mentioned above, with the development and expansion of the economic system, there are more and more options for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to obtain part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Also
, there are numerous reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are advisable to
Possible spelling mistake found.
experient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
however
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects should
be considered
, too.
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IELTS essay there are more and more students work a part-time job in their free time. At this point, some people think that students are advisable to spend most of their time on school studies. However, others believe that participating in a working environment when they are students is very beneficial.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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