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There are many types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important and should it be preserved or is international music that is heard everywhere nowadays more useful to a society?

There are many types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important and should it be preserved or is international music that is heard everywhere nowadays more useful to a society? 3r35
Music is highly universal. Even, it has many categories, it is without a doubt that music plays an important role in the society as well as to an individual. On this essay, I will explain why music is a necessity, and to whether what kind is more valuable to people. Jazz, Classical, Rock, Cultural, Pop are among the famous types of music most people are aware of. Primarily, humans are attached to the kind of music they relate to. To illustrate this, people would often relate an instance in their life wherein they could mirror their emotions on either of the lyrics or tune of the songs they listen to. Aside from this, people do find happiness at music. In fact, there are many studies that cited that music highly affects people's brain thus allows them to release a serotonin hormone, which is responsible for happiness this is evidenced by some lonely people when they heard a happy or an upbeat song their mood will change. Today, we can not deny that the music scene is being dominated by pop songs which is said to be more relatable and more expressive. As a result there are many group of people who are engaged to this as they think it is more easier to learn and to memorize because it can be played anywhere. Unlike the country songs which are only played on certain occasions or mostly by older ones. However, it does not diminish its significance of what it does express. In my opinion, both country songs and pop songs which are mostly accepted today are both essential to society as they are still the channel of communication as well as expressing significant message. Therefore, music is indeed a crucial element of this world, because aside from the reason that it is the language of expression it can also be used to unite people with same aspirations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is
highly
universal. Even, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
categories, it is without a doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the society
as well
as to an individual. On this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a necessity, and to whether what kind is more valuable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Jazz, Classical, Rock, Cultural, Pop are among the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are aware of.
Primarily
, humans
are attached
to the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
they relate to. To illustrate this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
relate an instance in their life wherein they could mirror their emotions on either of the lyrics or tune of the songs they listen to. Aside from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do find happiness at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. In fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies that cited that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
highly
affects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's brain
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to release a serotonin hormone, which is responsible for happiness this
is evidenced
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lonely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they heard a happy or an upbeat song their mood will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, we can not deny that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
scene is
being dominated
by pop songs which
is said
to be more relatable and more expressive.
As a result
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "groups"?
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are engaged
to this as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
to learn and to memorize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
be played
anywhere. Unlike the country songs which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
played on certain occasions or
mostly
by older ones.
However
, it does not diminish its significance of what it does express.

In my opinion, both country songs and pop songs which are
mostly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are both essential to society as they are
still
the channel of communication
as well
as expressing significant message.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
indeed
a crucial element of this world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
aside from the reason that it is the language of expression it can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to unite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with same aspirations.

IELTS essay There are many types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important and should it be preserved or is international music that is heard everywhere nowadays more useful to a society?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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