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The only way to solve increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. To what extent do you agree?

The only way to solve increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. jjXy
It is argued that increasing unlawful rate of teenager is to teach their parents better parenting skills. I completely disagree with aforementioned statement because families are not only to care of children. First of all, in this modern generations, youngster are following aged people or actors and actress who do various illegal activities in movies or films. In addition, young people are likely to try unwanted things as shown in films. Moreover, in school, teachers are also sociable. If government imposes strict rules towards action and murder movies, adolscent will not tend to get experience of illegal sources. Recent survey by'The Times' found that 90% of human are act as a heros and heroine as films shows their lifestyle and habitat. As a result, people are engaged in several activities such as drugs seller, silent-killer and bullying. However, parents are also quite responsible for their behaviour due to fact that children are demanding for money and they provide it as much they want. Also, students are not aware unless family involved in their activities and what they are doing with their capital. Despite providing cash, parents should raise question to their child. For example, in 2001, One boy from Butwal, who was drug addicted, he sold 80% of furnitures of his houses to collect several medicine from drugs dealer. In conculsion, illegal activities which has learnt by teenager from movies, it should be banned. Also, parents should be provide awareness education.
It
is argued
that increasing unlawful rate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
is to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
better parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. I completely disagree with aforementioned statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
families are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to care of children.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in this modern generations, youngster are following aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or actors and actress who do various illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in movies or films.
In addition
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are likely to try unwanted things as shown in films.
Moreover
, in school, teachers are
also
sociable. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
imposes strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
towards action and murder movies,
Possible spelling mistake found.
adolscent
will not tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
experience of illegal sources. Recent survey by'The Times' found that 90% of human are act as a
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "heroes", the plural form of the noun 'hero'?
heros
and heroine as films
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
their lifestyle and habitat.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are engaged
in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as drugs seller, silent-killer and bullying.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
also
quite responsible for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
due to fact that children are demanding for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they provide it as much they want.
Also
, students are not aware unless family involved in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and what they are doing with their capital. Despite providing cash,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should raise question to their child.
For example
, in 2001, One boy from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Butwal
, who was drug addicted, he sold 80% of
Possible spelling mistake found.
furnitures
of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
to collect
Possible agreement error. The noun medicine seems to be uncountable; consider using: "some medicine".
several medicine
from drugs dealer.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
conculsion
, illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which has
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
from movies, it should
be banned
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be
Consider using the past participle "provided"?
provide
awareness education.

IELTS essay The only way to solve increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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