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There are many types of music in the world

There are many types of music in the world XDkrN
As colonial mentallity. we need music as one of the main elements in our life. In the first place, the type of music we listen to affects our minds and moods. We can get relaxed when we listen to a calm melody and conversely when we hear upbeat music, we (tend to) get energized. Furthermore, music is a tremendous industry in which numerous people are involved in. Musicians, singers, songwriters, producers and writers, advertisers are all instances of participants. If you don't want to fall behind from this wide (ever-growing) world, you should know it because music makes your life easier. I am convinced that, the advantage of listening to traditional music is the support of your culture. When you know your county's musicians, you are an active member of the improvement and bringing to recognition circle of your motherland's art and culture; passing it on to your next generation. Knowing and listening to international music is essential too (as well). In the first place (initially / primarily), international music affects the industry, guides thoughts, perspectives, and opinions and indicates which way this world is moving towards. This knowledge is usable in daily life, business and etc.
As colonial
mentallity
.
we
need
music
as one of the main elements in our life. In the
first
place, the type of
music
we listen to affects our minds and moods. We can
get
relaxed when we listen to a calm melody and
conversely
when we hear upbeat
music
, we (tend to)
get
energized.
Furthermore
,
music
is a tremendous industry in which numerous
people
are involved
in. Musicians, singers, songwriters, producers and writers, advertisers are all instances of participants. If you don't want to fall behind from this wide (ever-growing) world, you should know it
because
music
makes
your life easier.

I
am convinced
that, the advantage of listening to traditional
music
is the support of your culture. When you know your county's musicians, you are an active member of the improvement and bringing to recognition circle of your motherland's art and culture; passing it on to your
next
generation.

Knowing and listening to international
music
is essential too (
as well
). In the
first
place (
initially
/
primarily
), international
music
affects the industry, guides thoughts, perspectives, and opinions and indicates which way this world is moving towards. This knowledge is usable in daily life, business
and etc
.
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IELTS essay There are many types of music in the world

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
197 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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