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The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. v.4

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. v. 4
Throughout the world, there has been a drastic increment in the rate of crime and this has been attributed to several issues and it has been observed that it is mostly among young people who are in their teens. This essay will discuss why these illegal acts are rising and possible resolutions in reducing it. Firstly, in developing countries, the level of education is low. Education is not totally accepted and therefore, very few people go to school. Those who don't go or are dropouts engage in one form of illegal activity or another. For example, they break into people's home, while they are away and steal their belongings. While this is causing the society a lot of valuable resources, they are also becoming a problem to the community. To solve this problem, government at all levels should make education free from the nursery class to high school while ensuring that any child found outside of school within certain hours will be punished. With this, the young ones are educated and can become useful to their community either now or in the future. Secondly, the issue of cybercrime and advance free fraud activities. Most teenagers are eager to become rich at a young age and the rich at all cost syndrome is consuming them. An average teen knows how to use the internet and instead of making use of it for a good cause, they instead opt to use it to steal personal information. For example, they steal personal information from people on the internet including their credit card number, social security number and other bank details in order to steal their money and transfer to their own account instead. To resolve this, parents should ensure that their children are brought up in a morally inclined environment. They should teach them how to be good and responsible children in the society and by doing this, the rate of illegal activities with teens will reduce. In conclusion, everyone in the society has a role to play in the upbringing of a child and this isn't the responsibility of the government alone. When everyone plays their role, the community and the world at large will be a safer and better place to live in.
Throughout the world, there has been a drastic increment in the rate of crime and this has
been attributed
to several issues and it has
been observed
that it is
mostly
among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are in their teens. This essay will discuss why these illegal acts are rising and possible resolutions in reducing it.

Firstly
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, the level of education is low. Education is not
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
and
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go to school. Those who don't go or are dropouts engage in one form of illegal activity or another.
For example
, they break into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's home, while they are away and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steal
their belongings. While this is causing the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
valuable resources, they are
also
becoming a problem to the community. To solve this problem,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
at all levels should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
education free from the nursery
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
to high school while ensuring that any child found outside of school within certain hours will
be punished
. With this, the young ones
are educated
and can become useful to their community either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
or in the future.

Secondly
, the issue of cybercrime and advance free fraud activities. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are eager to become rich at a young age and the rich at all cost syndrome is consuming them. An average teen knows how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet and
instead
of making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of it for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
cause, they
instead
opt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steal
personal information.
For example
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steal
personal information from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on the internet including their credit card number, social security number and other bank
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steal
their money and transfer to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
account
instead
. To resolve this, parents should ensure that their children
are brought
up in a
morally
inclined environment. They should teach them how to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and responsible children in the society and by doing this, the rate of illegal activities with teens will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.

In conclusion
, everyone in the society has a role to play in the upbringing of a child and this isn't the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
alone. When everyone plays their role, the community and the world at large will be a safer and better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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