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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? 1wpy
Types of music are varied from each country. even a different region in the same country are having their own style of music. Many ways can be persued to clasify music into several type. If we look closer into the beat and sound compisition, it can differentiated into various genre such as EDM, Jazz, Classical, Pop, Rock, reggae, etc. In terms of time it can be clasified into traditional music which is typical for each location or the modern one such as the international music that we heard nowadays. In this essay, the musical need in people’s lives and the importance of traditional music rather than the international one are discussed. Music served people in many ways. It can be a form of showing the pride of the country as a national anthem or can be a way of living such as singer, composer, song-writer, band, etc. It even can be a media to delivered such a message in many field. For instance, using a song in advertisement, campaign, or educatioanal learning. Music also can brings together people who shares similar styles and preferences, making way for them to communicate and socialize. It’s light and enjoyable, make it easy to be processed and accepted by society as a way of expression. Despite the fact that music can unite people, there are some debate on the existance of international music. Some people believed that following the trend is a way to keeping up with the current technology development. The trend of music are rapidly changing from a traditional country song into a modern international song which led into the abandonment of traditional music. If this phenomena keep happened, the existance of traditional music will slowly dissapear or even extinct for the next generation. In fact, the traditional music contain a lot of historical value of that region and it’s important to conserve it as a source of identity and pride for the nation. In conclusion, we should keep our traditional music in order to preserved it for the next generation so they can know the root of history and take them as an idendity of where they came from.
Types of
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music
are varied
from each
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country
.
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even
a
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different
region in the same
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country
are having their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
style of
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music
.
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Many
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ways
can be
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persued
to
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clasify
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music
into
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several type
. If we look closer into the beat and sound
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compisition
, it can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "differentiate"
differentiated
into various genre such as EDM, Jazz, Classical, Pop, Rock, reggae, etc. In terms of time it can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
clasified
into
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traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which is typical for each location or the modern one such as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
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music
that we heard nowadays. In this essay, the musical need in
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people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
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music
rather
than the
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international
one
are discussed
.

Music served
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people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
. It can be a form of showing the pride of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as a national anthem or can be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of living such as singer, composer, song-writer, band, etc. It even can be
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a medium" or simply "media"?
a media
to delivered such a message in
Possible agreement error. The noun field seems to be countable; consider using: "many fields".
many field
.
For instance
, using a song in advertisement, campaign, or
Possible spelling mistake found.
educatioanal
learning.
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Music
also
can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "bring"
brings
together
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people
who
Did you mean "share"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
shares
similar styles and preferences, making
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way
for them to communicate and socialize. It’s light and enjoyable,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easy to
be processed
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by society as a
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way
of expression.

Despite the fact that
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music
can unite
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people
, there are
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some
debate on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
existance
of
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international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
believed that following the trend is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to keeping up with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
technology development. The trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are
rapidly
changing from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
song into a modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
song which led into the abandonment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. If
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena
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keep
happened, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
existance
of
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traditional
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music
will
slowly
Possible spelling mistake found.
dissapear
or even extinct for the
next
generation. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
historical value of that region and it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to conserve it as a source of identity and pride for the nation.

In conclusion
, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in order to
Did you mean "preserve"?
preserved
it for the
next
generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can know the root of history and take them as an
Possible spelling mistake found.
idendity
of where they came from.
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IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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