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Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth and resources among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves?

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth and resources among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves? 6e30
When it comes to the economical development, United Nations refered a country into 2 categories, developed nations or known as a wealthy nations and developing nations or usually called poor nations. A developed nations is a country which can provided it own need, without asking help from others. While developing nation still depend to other country in some or many ways. It can be rated in various section, such as health, education, total population, country income, public facility, etc. In this essay, the actions of how a rich country should act toward poor country is discussed. The most important aspect of a country that should be aware is the amount of food for the populations. In order to stay alive, it must be sufficient to feed the entire population for a long run. It is easy to say that the government should be responsible to provide it, but in the application, many country are facing a hardship in terms of manage the availibility of edible comodity. It can be due to the lack of knowledge of food producing, food managing, or even food delivering. Another aspect that should be given more attention is the countrys’s education level. The higher education rate on that country, the easier for them to solve national problem, for example their skill on managing it own food supply. It is necessery for the government to take care of this matter, but some of them are not capable enough to solve it. This is where the government and rich country must take a part. The government may look after their citizen by asking help from the wealthier country on how they manage their own country, while the rich country can contribute by giving them a good example that can be followed. Thus, the number of developing nation is decreasing and resulting in an increase in the number of developed nation.
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
development, United
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Nations
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "referred", the past tense form of the verb 'refer'?
refered
a
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country
into 2 categories, developed
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nations
or known as a wealthy
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nations
and developing
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nations
or
usually
called poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. A developed
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "nation"?
nations
is a
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country
which can provided it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
need, without asking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from others. While developing
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nation
still
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depend on".
depend
to other
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country
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. It can
be rated
in various section, such as health, education, total population,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
income, public facility, etc. In this essay, the actions of how a rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should act toward poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is discussed
.

The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that should be aware is the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for the populations. In order to stay alive, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be sufficient to feed the entire population for a long run. It is easy to say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should be responsible to provide it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the application,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are facing a hardship in terms of manage the
Possible spelling mistake found.
availibility
of edible
Possible spelling mistake found.
comodity
. It can be due to the lack of knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
producing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
managing, or even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
delivering.

Another aspect that should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more attention is the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "countries", the plural form of the noun 'country'?
countrys
’s education level. The higher education rate on that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the easier for them to solve national problem,
for example
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
on managing it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
supply. It is
Possible spelling mistake found.
necessery
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to take care of this matter,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are not capable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to solve it. This is where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take a part. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
may look after their citizen by asking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
on how they manage their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, while the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can contribute by giving them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example that can
be followed
.
Thus
, the number of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
is decreasing and resulting in an increase in the number of developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
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IELTS essay Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth and resources among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
313 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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