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There are many different type of music in the world day. Why do we need music ? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

There are many different type of music in the world day. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? Byap
It is true that the music can be found around the world. Music is a vital part of our human being. I would agree that traditional music is more crucial than modern and international music. The following paragraphs would highlight my personal perspective a long wide an opt example. To commence with the reasons, first and foremost is every human being life filled with tensions and stress. In that situation people want to listen music and relaxation to their mind. Secondly, nowadays, music turned to be an activity of our life. Many people like to listen music to make themselves comfortable and calm. Also, people like to listen music whenever they do any work because music make a concentration. Moreover, music is used to cheer up mood and feel internal peace as well It helps us to forget all our worries and tensions. However, the world is divided into many different cultures and traditions. in my opinion, traditional music should be more valued than the international music which has become popular in today's world. In addition, traditional music express the culture and history of the country. As, in children life it play a major role due to the fact that if children hear traditional songs they easily learn about their language and culture in their early. For example, we are taught about music from our parents as mean we learn our mother tongue and simply it is form of enjoyment. As a result, children will learn quickly with the enjoyment form. In conclusion, music is necessary for human beings and I believe that we need to give more importance to our traditional music as compared to International music.
It is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
be found
around the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is a vital part of our human being. I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is more crucial than modern and international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. The following paragraphs would highlight my personal perspective a long wide
After 'an', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'opt' is correct. If 'opt' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
an opt
example. To commence with the reasons,
first
and foremost is every human being life filled with tensions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. In that situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and relaxation to their mind.
Secondly
, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
turned to be an activity of our life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like to listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
themselves comfortable and calm.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like to listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
whenever they do any work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a concentration.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to cheer up mood and feel internal peace
as well
It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to forget all our worries and tensions.
However
, the world
is divided
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and traditions.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should be more valued than the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which has become popular in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
express the culture and history of the country. As, in children life it
Did you mean "plays"?
play
a major role due to the fact that if children hear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
songs they
easily
learn about their language and culture in their early.
For example
, we
are taught
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from our parents as mean we learn our mother tongue and
simply
it is form of enjoyment.
As a result
, children will learn
quickly
with the enjoyment form.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is necessary for human beings and I believe that we need to give more importance to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as compared to International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
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IELTS essay There are many different type of music in the world day. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
278 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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