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Some people think they have right to use as much freshwater as they want, Others believe governments should tightly control the use of fresh water as it is limited resource. Discuss both views.

Some people think they have right to use as much freshwater as they want, Others believe governments should tightly control the use of fresh water as it is limited resource. WwYa
There are people who believe that utilizing freshwater is their right. Whereas, other individuals are of the opinion that authorities should ration water consumption. On the one hand, freshwater is considered as a gift from heavens and should never be rationed and on the other hand, it is believed that water bodies are precious and a depleting resource which might lead to political upheaval if not administered properly. Many people are of the opinion that natural drinking water is a gift from heavens and the consumption must never be regulated. Since ages this natural resource has never been managed. There are plenty of water bodies which get replenished by seasonal rains and it is the nature of human to deal with scarcity or abundance of water for example by building of dams to store water when in plenty and adapting to farming methods where minimum irrigation is required during droughts. Therefore, it is believed that water should never be controlled. Those individuals who believe that governments should regularize drinkable water cite that it is a precious natural resource and therefore, should be controlled in sustainable way in order not to deprive large population living in various parts of the world from basic use like for drinking purpose. Furthermore, they are concerned that frequent water scarcity because of irrational usage will lead to avoidable political upheavals resulting significantly in bitter relations with neighboring nations, for example the political crisis between Egypt and Ethiopia due to Nile dam construction. To conclude, there are individuals who think use of consumable water is a right because it naturally occurs in the form of rains and they believe it will always be available. Whereas, many others are of the view that water is an important resource and should be controlled in order not to alienate large populations from its use which can create political crisis.
There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that utilizing freshwater is their right.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, other individuals are of the opinion that authorities should ration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumption. On the one hand, freshwater
is considered
as a gift from heavens and should never
be rationed
and
on the other hand
, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
bodies are precious and a depleting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
which might lead to political upheaval if not administered
properly
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that natural drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is a gift from heavens and the consumption
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
never
be regulated
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
ages this natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
has never
been managed
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
bodies which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
replenished by seasonal rains and it is the nature of human to deal with scarcity or abundance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
for example
by building of dams to store
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
when in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
and adapting to

farming methods where minimum irrigation
is required
during droughts.
Therefore
, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
should never
be controlled
.

Those individuals who believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should regularize drinkable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
cite that it is a precious natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
and
therefore
, should
be controlled
in sustainable way in order not to deprive large population living in various parts of the world from basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
like for drinking purpose.
Furthermore
, they
are concerned
that frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
scarcity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of irrational usage will lead to

avoidable political upheavals resulting
significantly
in bitter relations with neighboring nations,
for example
the political crisis between Egypt and Ethiopia due
A determiner is probably missing here: "to the Nile".
to Nile
dam construction.

To conclude
, there are individuals who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of consumable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is a right
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
naturally
occurs in the form of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
rains and
they believe it will always be available. Whereas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others are of the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
and should
be controlled
in order not to alienate large populations from its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
which can create political crisis.
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IELTS essay Some people think they have right to use as much freshwater as they want, Others believe governments should tightly control the use of fresh water as it is limited resource.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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