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Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older?

Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older? pBJ9
Currently an increasing number of parents tend to be permissive towards their offspring. In many cases they are over spoiling their kids with toys, along with not restricting them when it comes to children’s discipline. In spite of this, it is not a right way to bring up children and it will have negative effect on them in the future, n that would be explored by this essay. Even though it is understandable that parents are willing to treat their child and to give them a full freedom in their actions due to their care, this is not the appropriate way to raise children. Not only they become materialistic, but also getting everything they wish makes them not acknowledging the value of money. Furthermore, they will not be able to flourish their social skills as long as they are targeted to own their things without sharing. For instance, providing children with whole freedom might be hazardous, because they will be eager to explore everything, which is not always a good method for growing. As a result, children grow up disobedient, without any sense of hardworking and responsibility. Therefore, if a kid did not work in order to get everything he wants, in the future he will be disappointed with difficulties and struggles of adult life. Those who were fully relied on their parents are more likely to end up without any significant life experience, which is useful for their future. In conclusion, trying to give children everything they want is not a key in the upbringing. If parents fail to impose a basic level of discipline, children may grow up with a poor attitude that will cause them and others to suffer.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tend to be permissive towards their offspring. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases they are over spoiling their kids with toys, along with not restricting them when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
discipline.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
this, it is not a right way to bring up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and it will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on them in the future, n that would
be explored
by this essay.

Even though
it is understandable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are willing to treat their child and to give them
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "full freedom".
a full freedom
in their actions due to their care, this is not the appropriate way to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they become materialistic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
they wish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them not acknowledging the value of money.
Furthermore
, they will not be able to flourish their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as long as they
are targeted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
their things without sharing.
For instance
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with whole freedom might be hazardous,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will be eager to explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
, which is not always a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
method for growing.

As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up disobedient, without any sense of hardworking and responsibility.
Therefore
, if a kid did not work in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
he wants, in the future he will
be disappointed
with difficulties and struggles of adult life. Those who were
fully
relied on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up without any significant life experience, which is useful for their future.

In conclusion
, trying to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
they want is not a key in the upbringing. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
fail to impose a basic level of discipline,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may grow up with a poor attitude that will cause them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
to suffer.

IELTS essay Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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