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there are a lot of people who prefer to start their own business

there are a lot of people who prefer to start their own business dpPqP
Nowadays, more and more people choose to begin their job by establishing their own business and develop from that. But there are some problems that they have while they doing this and get crash after a short time. We need to solve this situation. First of all, they don’t have any strategy for a long-term approach so that there are some problems when it is just halfway, from that they get the disorder. They are too hasty in starting a business. Secondly, the Poor management team is also a trouble that we must concerned, they can make the quality of our group down. Our partner can’t cooperate with them because of the lack of value in every product that a bad staff does. Moreover, the market problem cannot advertise to consumers. Consequently, they don’t know about our creation, our tatic. However, there are various steps that they could take to tackle these problems. Firstly, they must have a clear plan to make their own business grow up, this is the most important thing that they should prepare. Secondly, select an intelligent person that has the capacity to do this job because they can raise the quality and the development of our establishment. Finally, they must concentrate on the advertisement, 100% of profit come from this because it can attract consumers and they find us for this reason. To conclude this problem, starting a business is not a simple story that we can do immediately. We need to think carefully and be well-prepared for possible circumstances. But, sometimes, we can fail but thanks to that we can have more experience to continue our dreams.
Nowadays, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
their job by establishing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and develop from that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that they have while
Did you mean "they're doing", "they are doing", or "they were doing"?
they doing
this and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
crash after a short time. We need to solve this situation.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they don’t have any strategy for a long-term approach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
when it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
halfway, from that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the disorder. They are too hasty in starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
Secondly
, the Poor management team is
also
a trouble that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
concerned, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the quality of our group down. Our partner can’t cooperate with them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of value in every product that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
staff does.
Moreover
, the market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
cannot advertise to consumers.
Consequently
, they don’t know about our creation, our
Possible spelling mistake found.
tatic
.

However
, there are various steps that they could take to tackle these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Firstly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
plan to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
grow up, this is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing that they should prepare.
Secondly
, select an intelligent person that has the capacity to do this job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can raise the quality and the development of our establishment.
Finally
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
concentrate on the advertisement, 100% of profit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can attract
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
consumers and
they find us
for this reason
.

To conclude
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is not a simple story that we can do immediately. We need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
carefully
and be well-prepared for possible circumstances.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, we can fail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
thanks to that we can have more experience to continue our dreams.

IELTS essay there are a lot of people who prefer to start their own business

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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