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The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres

The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres PVq3g
These days there is a fact that the young spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. I agree with this view that it might have a negative influence on the young and society. I think shopping is nessecery for all people whether they are young or old. There is no diffrence how old they are but the problem is the amount of time that they spend in shopping centres. are life can turn in three parts. firs part is our resting time that is 8 hours a day that we sleep in the night. The second part is our working time that the same it is about 8 hours a day. And the last part of our life is our free time that for most people is the time between working time until sleeping time. Our free time is the best part of our life. If we waste most of this time in shopping centres we have a little time to do other things. For example sports, whatching TV, reading books, travelling are the things that their time is in common with shopping. It means that all people free time is not enough to do all we can do and if we waste most of our free time on shopping we have not enough time for other thing that some of then our nessecery for us same as doing sports. As you know if people wants to have a healthy body they need to have sports every day. But the question is that when young people can play sports while they spend most of their time in shopping centres? what i want too add is that not only extra going shopping has negative influence also online shopping has the same negative influence on people and society. For example I have a friend that dont go for shopping but he spend a lot of time on online shopping websites. In comparision with my other friends he has a weaky body.
These days there is a fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a large amount of their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view that it might have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and society. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
nessecery
for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whether they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. There is no
Possible spelling mistake found.
diffrence
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the problem is the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
are
life can turn in three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
is our resting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that is
8 hours a day that we sleep in the night. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
is our working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that the same it is about 8 hours a day. And the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of our life is our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
between working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
until sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of our life.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
we waste most of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
we have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do other things.
For example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
whatching
TV, reading books, travelling are the things that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is in common with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. It means that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to do all we can do and if we waste most of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
we have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for other thing that
Consider using "some then" or "some of the then".
some of then
our
Possible spelling mistake found.
nessecery
for us same as doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. As you know if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
wants
to have a healthy body they need to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
every day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the question is that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
while they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
?

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
what
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
want too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
is that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
extra going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence
also
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has the same
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and society.

For
The comma is probably missing here: "example, I".
example I
have a friend that
Possible spelling mistake found
dont
go for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "spends", "spent".
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
websites. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
comparision
with my other friends he has a
Possible spelling mistake found.
weaky
body.
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Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
333 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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