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My motherland- Uzbekistan.

My motherland- Uzbekistan. r8VjJ
There are more than seven billion people in the world and each of them wants to live in a peaceful country. Now let me introduce and write about my birthplace Uzbekistan in the essay. First of all I want to say about geographical position of Uzbekistan. It is situated in the Central Asia and borders with Kazakhstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Afghanistan and Kyrgyzstan. Its area is 448, 9 square kilometers and its population is more than 35 million. If you visit Uzbekistan, I recommend you to visit historical places such as Samarkand, Khiva, Khorezm and so on. There are lots of historical places, buildings and monuments such as Observatory of Mirzo Ulugbek, Shahi Zinda, Bibi hanum, the statue of Amir Temur, Lyabi Havuz etc. in our country. You also may learn about famous celebrities of Uzbek nation, for example about Amir Temur, Avicenna, Bobur Mirzo and so on. In Uzbekistan you can live happily and peace when in some countries like Syria, Afghanistan, war is going. Also you can study at any schools in any regions if you want. Every person has opportunities how to live, where to live and what to do. From the other side, you can learn about our culture, holidays like Navruz, Women’s Day, so delicious Uzbek national foods such as Sumalak, Kuk somsa, Shashlik, Dulma. When you taste one of them you never forget its taste. At holidays People dance and sing national songs, in other places you may see some sports event like kurash and boxing performing with famous boxers and sport masters such as Hasanboy Dustmatov, Ikboljon Holdorov, Elnur Abduraimov who won the world competition in Brazil. The government gave youth more opportunities to show their talents in any sphere like educational, electronical and Sports. To sum up, I strongly believe that every person in Uzbekistan is proud of being Uzbek. And I am really happy to live here and can say my country is my pride!
There are more than seven billion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the world and each of them wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me introduce and write about my birthplace Uzbekistan in the essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
I want to say about geographical position of Uzbekistan. It
is situated
in the Central Asia and borders with Kazakhstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Afghanistan and Kyrgyzstan. Its area is 448, 9 square kilometers and its population is more than 35 million. If you visit Uzbekistan, I recommend you to visit historical places such as Samarkand,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khiva
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khorezm
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. There are lots of historical places, buildings and monuments such as Observatory of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mirzo
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ulugbek
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shahi
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zinda
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bibi
Possible spelling mistake found.
hanum
, the statue of Amir
Possible spelling mistake found.
Temur
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lyabi
Possible spelling mistake found.
Havuz
etc. in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. You
also
may learn about
Consider using "celebrities".
famous celebrities
of Uzbek nation,
for example
about Amir
Possible spelling mistake found.
Temur
, Avicenna,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bobur
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mirzo
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. In
The comma is probably missing here: "Uzbekistan, you".
Uzbekistan you
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
happily
and peace when in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Syria, Afghanistan, war is going.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
you can study at any schools in any regions if you want. Every person has opportunities how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
, where to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
and what to do.

From the other side, you can learn about our culture, holidays like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Navruz
, Women’s Day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
delicious Uzbek national foods such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sumalak
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kuk
Possible spelling mistake found.
somsa
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shashlik
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dulma
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
you taste one of them you never forget its taste. At holidays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
dance and sing national songs, in other places you may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
kurash
and boxing performing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
boxers and sport masters such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hasanboy
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dustmatov
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ikboljon
Possible spelling mistake found.
Holdorov
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Elnur
Possible spelling mistake found.
Abduraimov
who won the world competition in Brazil. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
gave youth more opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their talents in any sphere like educational,
Possible spelling mistake found.
electronical
and Sports.

To sum up, I
strongly
believe that every person in Uzbekistan is proud of being Uzbek. And I am
really
happy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
here and can say my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is my pride!
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Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay My motherland- Uzbekistan.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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