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Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent years. What are the primary causes of this? What measures should be taken to reduce childhood obesity?

Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent years. What are the primary causes of this? What measures should be taken to reduce childhood obesity? QL3d9
The range of children who have overweight has been increased in this decade. There are some reasons for this problem such as sedentary lifestyle and I believe parents and schools can be taken to tackle the problem. On the one hand, today obesity is common phenomenon because of our lifestyle. After advent of technology, sedentary lifestyle has become popular specially in children generation. They play indoor games such as computer games that are one of the least active form of entertainments instead of outdoor games like physical exercise so, concerns are growing about social media that children spend a lot of time in there. In addition, children prefer to eat junk food instead of healthy food so, the rate of cholesterol and other negative points are increased in teenage generation. If this trend is continue, the test of children will change and they do not eat vegetable and nutrients. What are the solutions to solve that serious problem? In my opinion, parents have major roles in children lifestyle and they can encourage their children to have diet and play physical games like football and cycling. For example, if parents consider healthy lifestyle, children will learn this skill from their parents. Moreover, schools can schedule exercise in students program and educate them about benefit of healthy food to children. I believe if children know about the negative effects of fast food, they will not eat them at all. In conclusion, one of the serious problems of our society is children obesity and I think although sedentary lifestyle causes this problem, but parents and schools can handle it.
The range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have overweight has
been increased
in this decade. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
such as sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and schools can
be taken
to tackle the problem.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
obesity is common phenomenon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. After advent of technology, sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
has become popular
specially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
generation. They play indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that are one of the least active form of entertainments
instead
of outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like physical exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, concerns are growing about social media that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time in there.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prefer to eat junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
instead
of healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the rate of cholesterol and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points
are increased
in teenage generation. If this trend is continue, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
change and
they do not eat vegetable and nutrients.

What are the solutions to solve that serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
? In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have major roles in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lifestyle and
they can encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have diet and play physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like football and cycling.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
consider healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will learn this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Moreover
, schools can schedule exercise in students program and educate them about benefit of healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I believe if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
know about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, they will not eat them at all.

In conclusion
, one of the serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of our society is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
obesity and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
although sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
causes this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and schools can handle it.
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I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent years. What are the primary causes of this? What measures should be taken to reduce childhood obesity?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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