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The world would be a much poorer place without color. To what extent would you agree or disagree? v.1

The world would be a much poorer place without color. v. 1
Capital punishment is considered the most effective solution to control and lower heinous crimes. In my opinion, I strongly agree that the death penalty is a more effective deterrent to criminals, as it will greatly benefit both society and individuals. A good reason to carry the death penalty on offenders is that capital punishment deters offenders from contemplating a crime. This will result in eliminating the possibility of re-offending again because they know the exact consequences for the felony they commit, and it keeps the public under control. Also, the death penalty will send a clear message that the crime is morally wrong. Consequently, people will think twice before committing any offence. Another point to consider is that people with a violent nature should be removed from the community as early as possible. To put it another way, people who commit a heinous crime, such as murdering someone or raping a woman, should be put to death to protect society. For example, a delinquent who tortured and raped a young woman in Egypt was sentenced to death because the jury considered his action as anti-social behaviour, which ought to be prevented, and the death penalty is a good way to do that. Finally, the death penalty is more cost-effective punishment and a cheaper alternative to prison. In other words, if the prisoners were incarcerated for long periods in prison; the government should allocate more funds to policing the prisons and accommodating those convicts. This means that the taxpayers would foot the bills for long term accommodation for those criminals, and negatively affects other sectors: healthcare system, education, etc. Furthermore, it can bring more economic advantages to the country in the long run by turning a country into a safer place to visit. In conclusion, capital punishment is a must for any country that wants to deter criminals, who commit outrageous crimes, and not one that wants to waste money on prisoners because of long sentences.
Capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is considered
the most effective solution to control and lower heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
is a more effective deterrent to criminals, as it will
greatly
benefit both society and individuals.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason to carry the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
on offenders is that capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
deters offenders from contemplating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. This will result in eliminating the possibility of re-offending again
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know the exact consequences for the felony they commit, and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the public under control.
Also
, the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
message that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is
morally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
committing any
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
.

Another point to consider is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with a violent nature should
be removed
from the community as early as possible. To put it another way,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who commit a heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, such as murdering someone or raping a woman, should
be put
to death to protect society.
For example
, a delinquent who tortured and raped a young woman in Egypt
was sentenced
to death
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the jury considered his action as anti-social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, which ought to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
, and the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to do that.

Finally
, the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
is more cost-effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
and a cheaper alternative to prison.
In other words
, if the prisoners
were incarcerated
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
periods in prison; the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate more funds to policing the prisons and accommodating those convicts. This means that the taxpayers would foot the bills for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
term accommodation for those criminals, and
negatively
affects other sectors: healthcare system, education, etc.
Furthermore
, it can bring more economic advantages to the country in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
run by turning a country into a safer place to visit.

In conclusion
, capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for any country that wants to deter criminals, who commit outrageous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, and not one that wants to waste money on prisoners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
sentences.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The world would be a much poorer place without color. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
325 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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