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The world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago, and governments should stop spending large amounts of money on their armed forces.

The world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago, and governments should stop spending large amounts of money on their armed forces. 6pdPG
In today’s world crime rates have decelerated greatly. Many people argue that governments spend immense amounts of money on their armed forces unnecessarily when there are a few crimes happening in the world. It is therefore argued that government should stop spending huge amounts of money on their armed forces. This is a controversial topic to discuss. Some people think that it is crucial to spend money on the armed forces to protect their own countries. Governments spend money especially on guns, drones, and submarines. Huge amounts of money have spent on manufacturing guns, buying drones, and maintaining submarines in many countries recently. However, these expenses have become unnecessary especially in the last decade. The world today is a safer place rather than it was a hundred years ago. Security cameras are one of the reasons why government should stop spending immense amounts of money on their armed forces. Using security cameras is a convenient and effective way to track criminals. Since, criminals know that they have been watching by security cameras, they have involved in less criminal activities. This usage of technology has caused a decrease in crime rates. Hence, technology of security cameras make the world today safe. That’s why many people think that the same amount of money can be well spent on enhancing technologies. Governments may devise a plan to increase the usage of the security cameras. They can spend money on buying more security cameras to reach more places to control in their country. Also, the quality of security cameras can be improved by giving funds to the companies manufactured them by governments. All in all, spending money on improving the technology of secuity cameras would be beneficial. At present, the world is safer than it was a hundred years ago thanks to security cameras. Thus, governments can dimish the amount of money that they spend on their armed forces.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
crime rates have decelerated
greatly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
immense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amounts
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
unnecessarily
when there are a few crimes happening in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. It is
therefore
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
spending huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amounts
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armed
forces.

This is a controversial topic to discuss.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is crucial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
to protect their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
countries.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
especially
on guns, drones, and submarines. Huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amounts
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
have spent on manufacturing guns, buying drones, and maintaining submarines in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries recently.
However
, these expenses have become unnecessary
especially
in the last decade. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is a safer place
rather
than it was a hundred years ago.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
are one of the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
spending immense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amounts
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
. Using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
is a convenient and effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
criminals. Since, criminals know that they have been watching by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
, they have involved in less criminal activities. This usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has caused a decrease in crime rates.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
safe.

That’s why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can be well spent on enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
may devise a plan to increase the usage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
. They can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on buying more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
to reach more places to control in their country.
Also
, the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by giving funds to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
manufactured them by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

All in all, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
secuity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
would be beneficial. At present, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is safer than it was a hundred years ago thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can
Possible spelling mistake found.
dimish
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
.
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IELTS essay The world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago, and governments should stop spending large amounts of money on their armed forces.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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