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Strong determination leads to an accomplishment

Strong determination leads to an accomplishment rk1Wp
There's no one who doesn't want to gain success in life. But what we need to have is strong determination. Determination is like a commodity we decide forcefully to do and try hard without giving up until we get our goal. Although utmost people dream of enjoying high living norms, they devote lower trouble to whatever they do. Also, they fluently surrender if they encounter difficulties more or less. The reason why they cannot carry out their task is that they lack strong determination. So strong determination is a must-have for those who would like to be successful in life. A person who has strong determination can overcome problems in his life. He can change from any unwelcome situation to a satisfying one. Still hard the work is, he can negotiate his work without fail. Numerous people have a habit of fluently knocking off. This leads them to be failures in their environment because of the lack of strong determination. The reason why normal people come to the richest persons in the world is not that they're lucky but that they have a strong determination. Maybe they made mass miscalculations but they noway discontinue what they're determined to do. It's natural for humans to struggle in life and we shouldn't be hysterical about any obstacles. Whenever you're alarmed by commodity, you're too far from any achievement. But when you learn that it's only just an issue, it's sure that you can beat it with strong determination. Scholars who try to pass the examination need strong and clear determination indeed. They must aim to get high marks in all subjects they study. Strong determination can give them stimulant, trouble, stamina and assiduity which help them to concentrate on their literacy. That means they can negotiate the duty of achieving their intentions in the future. For a student,  trying all time is fairly needed without skipping any class or lower paying attention to the teachers' explanations. He needs to concentrate on all subjects effectively so that he could have the access to the University he intends to join. Wasting important time on social websites and at tea shops in endless  conversations with guys is the thing  every  pupil should avoid. Still,  only one who has a strong determination can go to do this.
There's no one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
doesn't want to gain success in life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
what we need to have is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
determination
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Determination
is like a commodity we decide
forcefully
to do and try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
without giving up until we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
our goal. Although utmost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
dream of enjoying high living norms, they devote lower trouble to whatever they do.
Also
, they
fluently
surrender if they encounter difficulties more or less. The reason why they cannot carry out their task is that they lack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
determination
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
determination
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
-have for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
would like to be successful in life.

A person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
determination
can overcome problems in his life. He can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
from any unwelcome situation to a satisfying one.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
the work is, he can negotiate his work without fail. Numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a habit of
fluently
knocking off. This leads them to be failures in their environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
determination
. The reason why normal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the richest persons in the world is not that they're lucky
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
determination
. Maybe they made mass miscalculations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they noway discontinue what they're determined to do. It's natural for humans to struggle in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
we shouldn't be hysterical about any obstacles. Whenever you're alarmed by commodity, you're too far from any achievement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when you learn that it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an issue, it's sure that you can beat it with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
determination.

Scholars
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
try to pass the examination need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
determination
indeed
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
aim to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high marks in all subjects they study.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
determination
can give them stimulant, trouble, stamina and assiduity which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to concentrate on their literacy. That means they can negotiate the duty of achieving their intentions in the future.

For a student,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
trying all time is 
fairly
 needed

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
without
 skipping any 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
 or lower paying attention to the teachers' explanations. He needs to concentrate on all 
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
subjects


effectively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that he could have the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
access
 to the University he intends to 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
.

Wasting 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
 time on social websites and at tea shops in endless
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
conversations with guys is the thing
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
every
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
pupil should avoid.
Still
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
 one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has a strong determination can go to do this.
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IELTS essay Strong determination leads to an accomplishment

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
338 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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