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The woman expresses her opinion of the change that has been announced. State her opinion and explain her reasons for holding that opinion. v.1

The woman expresses her opinion of the change that has been announced. State her opinion and explain her reasons for holding that opinion. v. 1
Some people believe that science and technology subjects should be given preference over history in the school curriculum. In others opinion, history should also be considered as important. These ideas are polarized in their nature. In my view, technology and science subjects are important. However, history should also be taught during the schooling. People vote for technical and scientific education because of their potential to get an individual a job and the corresponding earning propositions. For instance, an Engineering student has more probability to land into a decent paying employment, right after the graduation. Similarly, science background people like doctors, scientists or nurses are successful in their careers with longevity and drawing six figure salaries nowadays. On the other hand, individuals with the background of history subject have relatively limited options. Often, they have to either settle as lecturers in universities, which may not be a high paying profession or get acquainted with other unrelated skills and get into a different profession for a bit higher pay. In these circumstances, people are not inclined towards history and are demonstrating their reluctancy towards it. In conclusion, though history is an important subject and should be part of academics at the school level, emphasis should be given to science and technology as they are directly improving human life. In my opinion, these technical skills are responsible for many innovations helping the humanity greatly by improving quality of life and should be given more preference in academics. History as a subject should help students get an understanding of the past way of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
preference over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
in the school curriculum. In others opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
should
also
be considered
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
are polarized
in their nature. In my view, technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
should
also
be taught
during the schooling.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
vote for technical and scientific education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their potential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an individual a job and the corresponding earning propositions.
For instance
, an Engineering student has more probability to land into a decent paying employment, right after the graduation.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
background
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like doctors, scientists or nurses are successful in their careers with longevity and drawing
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
six figure
salaries nowadays.

On the other hand
, individuals with the background of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
have
relatively
limited options.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
either settle as lecturers in universities, which may not be a high paying profession or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
acquainted with other unrelated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
profession for a bit higher pay. In these circumstances,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not inclined towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and are demonstrating their
Possible spelling mistake found.
reluctancy
towards it.

In conclusion
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
and should be part of academics at the school level, emphasis should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology as they are
directly
improving human life.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opinion, these technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are responsible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
innovations helping the humanity
greatly
by improving quality of life and should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more preference in academics.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an understanding of the past way of life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The woman expresses her opinion of the change that has been announced. State her opinion and explain her reasons for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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