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The woman expresses her desire for a work-study job. State the requirements necessary for taking part in the program and explain the advantages discussed. v.1

The woman expresses her desire for a work-study job. State the requirements necessary for taking part in the program and explain the advantages discussed. v. 1
Animal usage for human benefit is fine as per some people while according to other's exploiting them for this purpose is not right as this leads to adverse consequences. This essay agrees that animals can be used for our benefits, but within the control limits. This essay will discuss the both points of views. It is clear that animals are being used for ages by humans for their ease and comfort in different ways. Moreover, it would not be wrong to say that people depend on animals in many ways. For instance, Dogs have been used by people for security also used by villagers when they went for hunting. In addition, horses and camels have been used for centuries for travelling across the jungles or deserts respectively. Sheep and goats have been used for milk and wolf from ancient times for milk and clothes. In addition, skin of different animals has been used for leather making from the beginning of the human era. However, it has also been observed that many people using animals for the sake of entertainment purpose. In the Africa almost 30 percent of lions are hunted down just for fun, black deer whose population have already been growing down, with the passage of time is affected by the same problem. Elephants in the Africa have been killed for their long teeth and used them in making antique pieces. In conclusion, while it is obvious that animals are very important in term of ease and comfort for human from the era. However, they should never hunted or kill down fun. These kind of activities should be stopped by the government or state.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animal
usage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
benefit is fine as per
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
while according to other's exploiting them for this purpose is not right as this leads to adverse consequences. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for our benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
within the control limits. This essay will discuss the both points of views.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for ages by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
and comfort in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways.
Moreover
, it would not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
For instance
, Dogs have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for security
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by villagers when they went for hunting.
In addition
, horses and camels have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for centuries for travelling across the jungles or deserts
respectively
. Sheep and goats have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for milk and wolf from ancient times for milk and clothes.
In addition
, skin of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for leather making from the beginning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
era.

However
, it has
also
been observed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for the sake of entertainment purpose. In the Africa almost 30 percent of lions
are hunted
down
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for fun, black deer whose population
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "has".
have
already been growing down, with the passage of time is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the same problem. Elephants in the Africa have
been killed
for their long teeth and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
them in making antique pieces.

In conclusion
, while it is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in term of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
and comfort for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
from the era.
However
, they should never hunted or kill down fun.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of activities should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or state.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The woman expresses her desire for a work-study job. State the requirements necessary for taking part in the program and explain the advantages discussed. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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