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The violence of TV and computer games have a damaging affect on society.

The violence of TV and computer games have a damaging affect on society. XnnDY
It is often argued that computer games and television are bad for people's behavior, while others disagree and say that it does not have a seriously destructive effect on society. From my point of view, I support a statement that looks at the negative impact of violence on TV shows and video games because as the number of films and games grows, so does the number of aggressive people. (it leads to normalization of violence, undermines moral values of people). Firstly, people are becoming more rude and nervous these days with the advent of many kinds of films and games. It is a fact that all humans act according to what they watch and sometimes they cannot manage themselves when they are angry because of watching the bad upbringing behavior of characters on TV. When they watch violence, fraud, robbery from some series, not only children but also ignorant, illiterate adults think those are normal things to do. Moreover, most parents do not care enough about what their children are watching and as a result, they complain about their behaviour. Psychologists reveal that people, who commit crimes such as murder, copy the actions of movie characters to hide the corpse and a lot of people spend much time in front of the tv watching thriller, horror films than comedy, tragedic ones. Investigators support this idea and say that the result of watching various kinds of movies on TV like “Wrong turn” leads to committing such heinous crimes. Secondly, the popularity of video games/computer games is growing over time. Unfortunately, children who play computer games more are confused to differentiate between right and wrong things in real life because of watching imaginary situations in games. Also, they find it difficult to solve problems when they realize that deciding on solutions is not as easy as in video games. For instance, a recent study conducted among schools in Kazakhstan found that 88%of children who play computer games and watch many videos cannot resist life difficulties, and they become drugs users or commit suicide in order to get out of deadlocks. If parents do not prohibit children from being couch potatoes and playing computer games, there would be twice as many children who are addicted to drugs and die. To conclude, violent movies and games that increase the image of aggressive people are growing. Media has a significant impact on people’s daily life, and most importantly, on societies. We should take the first action before TV programs and games destroy our lives. The life of the world is in the youth’s hands. It means that if they are walking in an unjust way, our world will be lost.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and television are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's behavior, while others disagree and say that it does not have a
seriously
destructive effect on society. From my point of view, I support a statement that looks at the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of violence on TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as the number of films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
grows,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
does the number of aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. (it leads to normalization of violence, undermines moral values of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
).

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more rude and nervous these days with the advent of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. It is a fact that all humans act according to what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they cannot manage themselves when they are angry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of watching the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
upbringing behavior of characters on TV. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
violence, fraud, robbery from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
series, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
ignorant, illiterate adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
those are normal things to do.
Moreover
, most parents do not care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
about what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are watching and
as a result
, they complain about their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. Psychologists reveal that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
commit crimes such as murder, copy the actions of movie characters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
the corpse and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend much time in front of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
watching thriller, horror films than comedy,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tragedic
ones. Investigators support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and say that the result of watching various kinds of movies on TV like “
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Wrong
turn” leads to committing such heinous crimes.

Secondly
, the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
games/computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is growing over time. Unfortunately,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
more
are confused
to differentiate between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
things in real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of watching imaginary situations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Also
, they find it difficult to solve problems when they realize that deciding on solutions is not as easy as in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For instance
, a recent study conducted among schools in Kazakhstan found that 88%of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
cannot resist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
difficulties, and they become drugs users or commit suicide in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of deadlocks. If parents do not prohibit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from being couch potatoes and playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, there would be twice as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are addicted
to drugs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
.

To conclude
, violent movies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that increase the image of aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are growing. Media has a significant impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and most
importantly
, on societies. We should take the
first
action
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
TV programs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of the world is in the youth’s hands. It means that if they are walking
Consider replacing "in an unjust way" with the adverb for "unjust"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an unjust way
, our world will
be lost
.
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IELTS essay The violence of TV and computer games have a damaging affect on society.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
445 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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