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the value of one country's exports in various product categories

the value of one country's exports in various product categories 5bVJp
The data given presents the value of a country's exports in different categories in 2015 and 2016. About 61 billion dollars worth of petroleum products were exported in 2015 whereas a 3% increase in exports is found in the subsequent year. Around 55 billion dollars of engineering goods were exported in 2015 meanwhile in the coming year there was an 8. 5% increase in the same. germs and jewelry is the only product category that lost 5. 18% of total earnings in 2016, compared to the 43 billion dollars in the prior year. Growth in percentage of 0. 81% and 15% can be observed in the agricultural and textile products in 2016. A net increment in export earnings can be established in 2016 as to 2015 from the information provided
The data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
presents the value of a country's exports in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
categories in 2015 and 2016. About 61 billion dollars worth of petroleum products
were exported
in 2015 whereas a 3% increase in exports
is found
in the subsequent year. Around 55 billion dollars of engineering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
were exported
in 2015 meanwhile in the coming year there was an 8. 5% increase in the same.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
germs
and jewelry is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
product category that lost 5. 18% of total earnings in 2016, compared to the 43 billion dollars in the prior year. Growth in percentage of 0. 81% and 15% can
be observed
in the agricultural and textile products in 2016. A net increment in export earnings can
be established
in 2016 as to 2015 from the information
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
provided
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IELTS essay the value of one country's exports in various product categories

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
129 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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