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Fast food advertisement should be banned in school and college. Do you agree or disagree?

Fast food advertisement should be banned in school and college. YyEEr
It is irrefutable that in this modern era the level of fast food has leaped which is really unimaginable. On the one hand, it is not only concern for the societies but also school and Colleges. In this paragraph i will elaborate my view upcoming paragraph that we should be banned fast food advertisement or not. However, most people in my country think everyday that we should banned advertisement of fast food so that we can't face any obstacles in future.
It is irrefutable that in this modern era the level of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food has leaped which is
really
unimaginable. On the one hand, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
concern for the societies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
school and Colleges. In this paragraph
Did you mean "I"?
i
will elaborate my view upcoming paragraph that we should
be banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food advertisement or not.
However
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in my country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
that we should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "ban"
banned
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can't face any obstacles
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
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IELTS essay Fast food advertisement should be banned in school and college.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
81 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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