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The graph shows the results of a survey of British public figures that people can recognise from their photographs. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should spend about 20 minute v.1

The graph shows the results of a survey of British public figures that people can recognise from their photographs.
Children recognise themselves, life and their environment through games. While playing games, their intelligence, memory, and emotions develop as they communicate with the people around them. The easiest way for children to organize games is with toys. Nowadays, the quality and variety of toys has increased with the technological development. Parents can buy a lot of toys for children to support their development and also to spare some time to themselves. Toys have an essential place in social, psychological, physical and mental development. That’s why the choice and amount of purchase toys are important for children. Although buying children a lot of toys may affect a Childs’ improvement positively, it will also have some negative effects. It is a fact that had many toys had many advantages. The children can learn better social skills thanks to toys. Children who have less toys can learn to communicate with other children and adults easily. New interests can develop by socialization and exploring new areas. More attention and love can be shown towards reading, writing and art. Children's direct to these areas will also have an influence on creativity. They will be able to understand the importance of emotions and communicate with creativity and art. Moreover, they learn to be patient, sharing, and determination. Nevertheless, it is not a constant norm that a positive situation always will produce good developments. Toys have many satisfactory effects, but more can sometimes be harmful. Although toys have many positive effects, having a lot of them will cause many negative problems. First of all, research has revealed that too many toys can harm children. Having too many toys can reduce the standard quality of games. The fact that people have things more than they need causes them occur unable to use some skills. In addition, the children who have more toys are prone to being less creative. When they are bored, they start playing with other toys instead of trying to create new games. This can decrease creativity and even can lead to being unsocial. Children can play with their toys instead of spending time with family or their environment. Thus, the loss of perception of reality can also be seen. In conclusion, toys are not just for entertainment. Knowing that there are many benefits as well as harms, and conscious restriction of buying toys for children will have a greater positive effect on the child's advancement in the long run than toys. To summarize, there's no problem that buying toys, children, but the amount is quite significant. Instead of toys, alternative games and healthy communication with parents should be established.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
themselves, life and their environment through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. While playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, their intelligence, memory, and emotions develop as they communicate with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them. The easiest way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to organize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
. Nowadays, the quality and variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
has increased with the technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. Parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
and
also
to spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to themselves.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Toys
have an essential place in social, psychological, physical and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. That’s why the choice and amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Although buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
may affect a
Possible spelling mistake found.
Childs
’ improvement
positively
, it will
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.

It is a fact that had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn better social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who have
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun toys is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can learn to communicate with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and adults
easily
. New interests can develop by socialization and exploring new areas. More attention and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
can
be shown
towards reading, writing and art. Children's direct to these areas will
also
have an influence on creativity. They will be able to understand the importance of emotions and communicate with creativity and art.
Moreover
, they learn to be patient, sharing, and determination.
Nevertheless
, it is not a constant norm that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
situation
The adverb 'always' is usually put between 'will' and 'produce'.
always will produce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Toys
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
satisfactory effects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
be harmful.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
them will cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
problems.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, research has revealed that too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Having too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the standard quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. The fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have things more than they need causes them occur unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are prone to being less creative. When they
are bored
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
playing with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
instead
of trying to create new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This can decrease creativity and even can lead to being unsocial.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can play with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
instead
of spending time with family or their environment.
Thus
, the loss of perception of reality can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for entertainment. Knowing that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits
as well
as harms, and conscious restriction of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have a greater
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the child's advancement in the long run than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
To summarize
, there's no problem that buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the amount is quite significant.
Instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and healthy communication with parents should
be established
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph shows the results of a survey of British public figures that people can recognise from their photographs.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
434 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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