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Do you agree or disagree with the following statementChildren should follow their parent's set of rules v.1

Children should follow their parent's set of rules v. 1
Globalisation has allowed people to adopt a homogeneous culture in terms of entertainment, fashion and other areas as such. Some people argue that globalization has a fundamentally beneficial influence on our lives, while many others contend that it has a detrimental effect as well. From my personal point of view, this trend could cause a serious of problems, although some people may benefit from it in certain cases. On the one hand, the widening international exchanges have exerted positive influences. The major benefit is that they enrich people's lives because residences of one nation are given opportunities through international TV programmes and films to enjoy the achievements of other cultures across the globe. For example, people worldwide can easily enjoy more and more Hollywood blockbusters without going abroad. Moreover, following a global fashion trend shall make you feel and act more naturally with the people from different backgrounds in the world without being too obvious. Finally, tourists may not suffer from culture shock any more thanks to the cultural understanding of a certain country from the global media. On the other hand, the growing interdependence among countries also creates the possible dangers. One main problem associated with cultural globalization is the erosion of cultural identity in some parts of the word. People living in these places may adopt the most popular lifestyles and do not take effort to preserve their own traditions. For instance, some traditional food might disappear with the expansion of fast food chains. Additionally, certain language could also vanish, if most of the native speakers try to emigrate to other countries. This is particularly the case for those less developed countries because citizens in these countries do not have a satisfying living standard and confidence in their own traditions. In conclusion, despite globalization boosts economic integration and speeds up modernisation, its negative impact could also be fatal on cultural diversity. Therefore, disadvantages created by it far outweigh the advantages.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Globalisation' is British English.
Globalisation
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to adopt a homogeneous culture in terms of entertainment, fashion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas as such.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalization' and 'globalisation') within a single text.
globalization
has a
fundamentally
beneficial influence on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others contend that it has a detrimental effect
as well
. From my personal point of view, this trend could cause
The phrase 'a serious of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a serious of
problems, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may benefit from it in certain cases.

On the one hand, the widening international exchanges have exerted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influences. The major benefit is that they enrich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
residences of one nation are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
opportunities through international TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and films to enjoy the achievements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures across the globe.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worldwide can
easily
enjoy more and more Hollywood blockbusters without going abroad.
Moreover
, following a global fashion trend shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you feel and act more
naturally
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds in the world without being too obvious.
Finally
, tourists may not suffer from culture shock any more thanks to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
understanding of a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
from the global media.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the growing interdependence among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
also
creates the possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
. One main problem associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalization' and 'globalisation') within a single text.
globalization
is the erosion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the word.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
living in these places may adopt the most popular lifestyles and do not take effort to preserve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
traditions.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
traditional food might disappear with the expansion of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food chains.
Additionally
, certain language could
also
vanish, if most of the native speakers try to emigrate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This is
particularly
the case for those less developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
citizens in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
do not have a satisfying living standard and confidence in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
traditions.

In conclusion
, despite
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalization' and 'globalisation') within a single text.
globalization
boosts economic integration and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
speeds up
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
, its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact could
also
be fatal on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
diversity.
Therefore
, disadvantages created by it far outweigh the advantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Children should follow their parent's set of rules v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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