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The use of social media is replacing face to face contact with many people

The use of social media is replacing face to face contact with many people kxeJe
In our rapidly changing world, the introduction and development of social networking have always been the hottest issue that directly affects our daily lives. Whether these online applications such as Facebook, Instagram, Skype, etc. may substitute for face-to-face communication, I believe that the benefits they bring may overshadow the drawbacks. First of all, it is undeniable that with the variety and availability of online platforms currently, an enormous number of people can access the internet easily for any purpose. People from all around the world can stay connected, update the latest information, and exchange information at any time and anywhere. For example, due to an outburst of COVID-19 recently, many people are expected to work from home via a technology device like a laptop. Consequently, social networking sites are so beneficial and help workers to complete the task without needing to. Moreover, despite a long-distance, parents can keep in touch with the children studying abroad thanks to technological innovation like a smartphone. At the same time, loving couples can nurture their love by calling and texting each other on Facebook, Skype in which distance plays a crucial part. On the other hand, as many upcoming online platforms are about to introduce, people tend to rely excessively on the virtual world. For instance, people are more likely to use a food delivery section on Grab to buy food instead of buying fresh groceries and cooking on their own. Hence, people are inclined to stay in their comfort zone rather than stepping out, socializing, and learning new skills. What is more dangerous is that people will be a lack of basic skills to survive, interact, and speak up under important circumstances like in a group discussion at school, at work meeting, a job interview, etc. In conclusion, social media can have a significant negative impact on society, however, I consider that their advantages would exceed the drawbacks.
In our
rapidly
changing world, the introduction and development of social networking have always been the hottest issue that
directly
affects our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Whether these online applications such as Facebook, Instagram, Skype, etc. may substitute for face-to-face communication, I believe that the benefits they bring may overshadow the drawbacks.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is undeniable that with the variety and availability of online platforms
currently
, an enormous number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can access the internet
easily
for any purpose.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from all around the world can stay connected, update the latest information, and exchange information at any time and anywhere.
For example
, due to an outburst of COVID-19 recently,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to work from home via a technology device like a laptop.
Consequently
, social networking sites are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
beneficial and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
workers to complete the task without needing to.
Moreover
, despite a long-distance, parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with the children studying abroad thanks to technological innovation like a smartphone. At the same time, loving couples can nurture their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
by calling and texting each other on Facebook, Skype in which distance plays a crucial part.

On the other hand
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
upcoming online platforms are about to introduce,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to rely
excessively
on the virtual world.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a food delivery section on Grab to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
food
instead
of buying fresh groceries and cooking on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are inclined
to stay in their comfort zone
rather
than stepping out, socializing, and learning new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
What is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be a lack of basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to survive, interact, and speak up under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
circumstances like in a group discussion at school, at work meeting, a job interview, etc.

In conclusion
, social media can have a significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on society,
however
, I consider that their advantages would exceed the drawbacks.

IELTS essay The use of social media is replacing face to face contact with many people

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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