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The use of corporal punishment (physically hitting students) in schools is in decline, yet it should be used to improve behaviour. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Kids of today's young generation are the future of tomorrow. They need to be obviously handle with care are due respect. In my opinion punishing a student in the school is not the accurate way to handle them to improve their behavior. I clearly do not support the statement, that still the corporal punishment (physically hitting students) in schools should be used to improve behavior. According to me, their are many other ways to teach a good lesson and to improve the behavior of a students. Hitting students can lead to huge fear of school in their mind. They might not come to school with fresh mind, with the intention to learn something new and grew their knowledge. It is really a positive and a beneficial approach that government has implemented to the society by passing out the strict rules on hitting students in the school or giving them a harsh punishment. I would like to mention a example which will show the benefit of the rule that government has enforced. A news was published few months ago on the same incident, where a teacher was beating a child so badly for just not knowing the answer of the question that he had asked to the student. This incident was from the small village near Bihar state of my country. Knowing this, the parents had complained about it to the police station and then after police started their immediate action on it. The license of the teacher was cancelled and he had to spend his 5 years of life in the prison as an punishment. This incident had really effected the mentality of the kid so rigorously that then after he started getting night mares of his bad experience of going school. Any how, he was then convinced by his parents and continued his schooling. With the great respect to the education and the students life, I would conclude that it is not always necessary to give a harsh punishment to students to improve their behavior, and really appreciate the positive decline of such activities in the school.
Kids of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's young generation are the future of tomorrow. They need to be
obviously
handle with care are due respect. In my opinion punishing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is not the accurate way to handle them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their behavior. I
clearly
do not support the statement, that
still
the corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
(
physically
hitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students)
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
behavior.

This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using “in my opinion” or “I think”.
According to me
,
Did you mean “there”?
their
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other ways to teach a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
lesson and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the behavior of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Hitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can lead to huge fear of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in their mind. They might not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with fresh mind, with the intention to learn something new and grew their knowledge.

It is
really
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and a beneficial approach that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has implemented to the society by passing out the strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
on hitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or giving them a harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
. I would like to mention
Use “an” instead of ‘a’ if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘an article’, ‘an hour’.
a
example which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the benefit of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has enforced.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply “news”.
A news
was published
few months ago on the same incident, where a teacher was beating a child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
badly
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
not knowing the answer of the question that he had
This looks like a collocation error. You do not need a preposition after “asked”.
asked to
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. This incident was from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village near Bihar state of my country.

Knowing this, the parents had complained about it to the police station and then after police
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their immediate action on it. The license of the teacher was
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cancelled and
he had to spend his 5 years of life in the prison as
Use “a” instead of ‘an’ if the following word doesn’t start with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘a sentence’, ‘a university’.
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
. This incident had
really
effected the mentality of the kid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
rigorously
that then after he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
getting
This word is normally spelled as one.
night mares
of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
experience of going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
The adverb “Anyhow” is spelled as one word.
Any how
, he was then convinced by his parents and continued his schooling.

With the great respect to the education and the
An apostrophe may be missing.
students
life, I would conclude that it is not always necessary to give a harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their behavior, and
really
appreciate the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
decline of such activities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
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IELTS essay The use of corporal punishment (physically hitting students) in schools is in decline, yet it should be used to improve behaviour. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
348 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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