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The university is looking for volunteers to help the community protect the enviroment. If you are a volunteer, which of the following task will you choose to do? a) Pick up trash and littersb) Plant trees and flowers c) Teach children about environment pro v.1

The university is looking for volunteers to help the community protect the enviroment. If you are a volunteer, which of the following task will you choose to do? a) Pick up trash and littersb) Plant trees and flowers c) Teach children about environment pro v. 1
According to a section of society, the adolescent must accept the path which showed by older persons; However, others suggest replacing those ideas and method in an appropriate way. I shall discuss both perspectives in detail before reaching a final verdict. To embark on, elders are old for a reason and their wisdom, experience and judgment can be advantageous for teenagers. The view of older people is going to help the young adults because they have experienced in that subject and had already tried to do all the methods. As an exemplification, in industries senior employees are more important and they are allowed to take vital decisions. Because they know all the methods to mitigate problems or to avoid accidents that can occur over there, however the young people are new to the problems and they can make any problem worse without knowing the full knowledge. On the contrary, there are plenty of elders cannot accept or used to new idea or change the system which were created by them. There are innumerable examples which require an innovative hand. For example, standard method of bookkeeping at the bank in past era can simply replace by computer-based transaction record keeping. This method smoothen and easy for the work as well as reduce the fatigue of manual input in registers. However, the young generation is the protest wrongdoing of government than the past decade, which make authority careful about their decision that tendency is positively impacted in future. To recapitulate, in my opinion, both perspectives hold equal significance. At some point in time, the elder’s opinion is must have considered the criticality and the nature of the decision. Also it is equally important to raise concern against a traditional approach which may not be adding any further value.
According to a section of society, the adolescent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
accept the path which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
by older persons;
However
, others suggest replacing those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
Consider replacing "in an appropriate way" with the adverb for "appropriate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an appropriate way
. I shall discuss both perspectives in detail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a final verdict.

To embark on, elders are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
for a reason and their wisdom, experience and judgment can be advantageous for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. The view of older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the young adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have experienced in that subject and had already tried to do all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
. As an exemplification, in industries senior employees are more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
important and
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to take vital decisions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they know all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
to mitigate problems or to avoid accidents that can occur over there,
however
the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are new to the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
problems and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any problem worse without knowing the full knowledge.

On the contrary
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of elders cannot accept or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the system which
were created
by them. There are innumerable examples which require an innovative hand.
For example
, standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
of bookkeeping at the bank in past era can
simply
replace by computer-based transaction record keeping. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
smoothen and easy for the work
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the fatigue of manual input in registers.
However
, the young generation is the protest wrongdoing of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
than the past decade, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
authority careful about their decision that tendency is
positively
impacted
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

To recapitulate, in my opinion, both perspectives hold equal significance. At
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point in time, the elder’s opinion is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have considered the criticality and the nature of the decision.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
it is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to raise concern against a traditional approach which may not be adding any
further
value.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay The university is looking for volunteers to help the community protect the enviroment. If you are a volunteer, which of the following task will you choose to do? a) Pick up trash and littersb) Plant trees and flowers c) Teach children about environment pro v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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