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Do you agree or disagree with the statement that it is important for students to study art and music in school. v.1

that it is important for students to study art and music in school. v. 1
Donating some amount of money to assist poor people is common among big-hearted persons all around the world. Whether this pay give directly to a needy one in a neighbourhood or ask the national or international charitable organizations to distribute it among those who need. I personally can agree with both sides depending on the situations. Preparing fund to support belong giving help to poor people individually is preferred. This action has an impressive feeling both for the doer and receiver. It means that the person who wants to help the other experience compassion, feeling while the receiver gives great pleasure on that occasion especially when they have kind conversation. Furthermore, if he visited the needy, he would realise exactly what kind of facility or amount of wage should provide to tackle the person‘s need. To explain this, being in a real situation and discovered the limitation makes the best effort to improve the condition. Therefore, both experiencing a pleasure feeling and visiting the situation bring an appropriate support for poor people. Helping and supporting poor people individually is significantly acceptable, however however, giving fund to national and international charitable organizations can also effective. Charities and charitable organisations are aware about those families who should be support from them. To rephrase it, they are familiar with their needs, or where they are situated and are suitable choice to distribute helps among them. Moreover charitable organizations are trusted by people for gathering cash and helps. This is to say that if someone desire to donate something easily can get access to these organisations and ask them to manage how to use helps without being worried that the needy will receive the helps or not. Thus, awareness of charity about these kind of families ‘requirement and also being acceptable among people has many advantages to assist poor people. In the final analysis, helping and supporting poor people individually make individual experiences pleasure feeling while charitable organisation's actions via better information about families and their needs besides being acceptable by givers prepare a suitable condition to disappear poverty in societies.
Donating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of money to assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
common among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
-hearted persons all around the world. Whether this pay give
directly
to a needy one in a
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
or ask the national or international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charitable
organizations to distribute it among those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
. I
personally
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with both sides depending on the situations.

Preparing fund to support belong giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
individually
is preferred
. This action has an impressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
both for the doer and receiver. It means that the person who wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the other experience compassion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
while the receiver gives great pleasure on that occasion
especially
when they have kind conversation.
Furthermore
, if he visited the needy, he would
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
exactly what kind of facility or amount of wage should provide to tackle the person‘s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this, being in a real situation and discovered the limitation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the best effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the condition.
Therefore
, both experiencing a pleasure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
and visiting the situation bring an appropriate support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Helping and supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
individually
is
significantly
acceptable,
however
however
, giving fund to national and international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charitable
organizations can
also
effective. Charities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charitable
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisations
are aware about those families who should be support from them. To rephrase it, they are familiar with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
, or where they
are situated
and are suitable choice to distribute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
among them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charitable
organizations
are trusted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for gathering cash and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
. This is to say that if someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "desires", "desired".
desire
to donate something
easily
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to these
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisations
and ask them to manage how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
without
being worried
that the needy will receive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
or not.
Thus
, awareness of charity about
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of families ‘requirement and
also
being acceptable among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages to assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In the final analysis, helping and supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
individually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
individual experiences pleasure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charitable
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisation
's actions via better information about families and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
besides
being acceptable by givers prepare a suitable condition to disappear poverty in societies.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay that it is important for students to study art and music in school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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