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The twenty-first century has already brought great changes to the world. What other developments do you expect to happen over this century?

The twenty-first century has already brought great changes to the world. What other developments do you expect to happen over this century? 53nQP
Recently, dramatic changes have been observed in the world due to the high developments by advanced technologies. In the tenty-first century, for example, improvement in the internet changes the most of specificic fields: improvement in transportation and medicine, innovations in electronic items, and also major advancements in robotics. Because of these high level changes, it can be expected that, there would be furthermore developments over this century. According to the drastic change in the internet, such as, high speed, easily accesible, immeasurable informations, it is certainly clear that, there might be more and more finding like advanced technology devices will be innovated; furthermore that will help to reduce in man power employments. Moreover, if the growth in technology increases like that, most of the problems in the transport system (huge time need for transport), medicine field (un findings treatments for critical diseases), education system (limited reliable sources), engery sources (limited energy for sustainable environment) might be become sloved, which may leads to devolop overall countries enormously. In addiction to that, nano technology will come more liable than now; for instance, that will help to find considerable amount of solutions for, problems in limited amout of engery sourses (considering atom energy), problems in in-built artificial intelligence in technology devices, problems in limited transport methods, and problems in advanced treatments in medicines. On account of those, the world will become much better comfortable than now. Eventhough, those devleopments leads lots of benefits to people, there are also considerable drawbacks due to that. When targeting drawbacks, there would much more increments in crimes than now, due to the effect of less employments; indeed criminals can use advanced developments to do crimes, which may affect to the all over society. In conclusion, there will be much more developments due to the advancements in internet and nano technology; nevertheless, due to those changes there are lots of advantages, some drawsbacks are also induced by those.
Recently, dramatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
have
been observed
in the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
. In the tenty-
first
century,
for example
, improvement in the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
the most of
Possible spelling mistake found.
specificic
fields: improvement in transportation and medicine, innovations in electronic items, and
also
major advancements in robotics.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of these high level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that, there would be
furthermore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
over this century.

According to the drastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
, such as, high speed,
easily
Possible spelling mistake found.
accesible
, immeasurable
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
, it is
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, there might be more and more finding like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
devices will
be innovated
;
furthermore
that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
power employments.
Moreover
, if the growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
increases like that, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in the transport system (huge time need for transport), medicine field (
Possible spelling mistake found.
un
findings treatments for critical diseases), education system
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(limited
reliable sources),
Possible spelling mistake found.
engery
sources
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(limited
energy for sustainable environment) might be
Possible spelling mistake found.
become sloved
, which may leads to
Possible spelling mistake found.
devolop
overall
countries
enormously
.

In addiction to that, nano
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
more liable than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
;
for instance
, that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to find considerable amount of solutions for,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limited
Possible spelling mistake found.
amout
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
engery
Possible spelling mistake found.
sourses
(considering atom energy),
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in in-built artificial intelligence in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
devices,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limited
transport methods, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
treatments in medicines. On account of those, the world will become much better comfortable than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Eventhough
, those
Possible spelling mistake found.
devleopments
leads lots of benefits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, there are
also
considerable drawbacks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to that. When targeting drawbacks, there would much more increments in crimes than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the effect of
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun employments is countable.
less
employments;
indeed
criminals can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
to do crimes, which may affect to the all over society.

In conclusion
, there will be much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the advancements in internet and nano
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
;
nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
there are lots of advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
drawsbacks
are
also
induced by those.
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IELTS essay The twenty-first century has already brought great changes to the world. What other developments do you expect to happen over this century?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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