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women were to rule the world there will be less violence

women were to rule the world there will be less violence 0nbbn
In the past few decades women have participated and excelled in all fields of work. And if they rule the world there would be a decrease in violence and crimes committed. I confidently support this point. My preference is explained further. The foremost argument to explain my inclination is females can understand people and they think before making a decision unlike men. To be precise they are calm minded so they can make better decisions. For instance when Anandi took the position of Chief Minister in Gujarat she created a lot of employment for women and different plans were formed to support rural women and surveys show that there was a reduction in disputes in the state during the years she ruled. Furthermore, when a women comes into a reputed political position she becomes a role model for young generation all over the world and inspires them to take a right path instead of getting involved in fights or committing a crime. However some people may counter claim that violence has no relation with women ruling the world, the main reasons for violence are legal disputes, poverty and unemployment, Women are not born to be leaders as they lack leadership skills and they should not be involved in issue that are difficult to tackle. To sum up the discussion, it can be stated that women ruling the world would result in decline of violence as they are sharp and wise and they can overcome any problems with the skills they have.
In the past few decades
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have participated and excelled in all fields of work. And if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
there would be a decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and crimes committed. I
confidently
support this point. My preference is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
further
.

The foremost argument to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my inclination is females can understand
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making a decision unlike
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. To be precise they are calm minded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better decisions.
For instance
when
Possible spelling mistake found.
Anandi
took the position of Chief Minister in Gujarat she created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
employment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
plans
were formed
to support rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and surveys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that there was a reduction in disputes in the state during the years she ruled.

Furthermore
, when a
'woman' is the singular form of 'women'. Consider using "woman".
women
You should probably use "come".
comes
into a reputed political position she becomes a role model for young generation all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and inspires them to take a right path
instead
of getting involved in fights or committing a crime.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
counter claim
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
has no relation with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
ruling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, the main reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
are legal disputes, poverty and unemployment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
are not born to be leaders as they lack leadership
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
skills and
they should not
be involved
in issue that are difficult to tackle.

To sum up the discussion, it can
be stated
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
ruling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
would result in decline of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
as they are sharp and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
wise and
they can overcome any problems with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they have.
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IELTS essay women were to rule the world there will be less violence

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
251 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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