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the topic of old people who retire at the age of 60 or 65 and wish to continue working as long as they want

the topic of old people who retire at the age of 60 or 65 and wish to continue working as long as they want QKwMP
In this essay, my opinion will be given regard the topic of old people who retire at the age of 60 or 65 and wish to continue working as long as they want. Firstly, I understand that a number of old people want to continue working. The reason could be that they don't see anything in life but work, no hobbies or interests to do after retiring. Another reasoning could be that they are financially weak and have to continue working. Unfortunately, this isn't how life goes. Therefore, old people will be forced to retire due to the fact they are not capable of learning the new techniques and adapt to the quick developing world we are living in. In fact, Retired people can depend on their life saving and on his son. However, old people are can still be helpful at various jobs due to their experience in life or in their skills. Since young employees are not skilled nor experienced adequate compared to the elderly people. For this purpose elderly people work at as a coach or a manager and Certainly, are more qualified for the job. Furthermore, Old people can have the life of serene and peace after retiring such as, following their hobbies that they couldn't during work life, enjoying their life away from people and the place they used to be in, lastly travel to the countries and explore. In conclusion, elderly people are not weak but they are skilled and experienced enough to be in a high position job. However, they should have the right to continue working of various of motives but theyought to accept that there's new generation that can adapt and improve rapidly to the new world.
In this essay, my opinion will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
regard the topic of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who retire at the age of 60 or 65 and wish to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
as long as they want.
Firstly
, I understand that a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
. The reason could be that they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
anything in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
work, no hobbies or interests to do after retiring. Another reasoning could be that they are
financially
weak and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
. Unfortunately, this isn't how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goes.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be forced
to retire due to the fact they are not capable of learning the new techniques and adapt to the quick developing world we are living in. In fact, Retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can depend on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
saving and on his son.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are can
still
be helpful at various jobs due to their experience in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
or in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Since young employees are not skilled nor experienced adequate compared to the elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. For this purpose elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work at as a coach or a manager and
Certainly
, are more qualified for the job.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of serene and peace after retiring such as, following their hobbies that they couldn't during work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, enjoying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the place they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be in,
lastly
travel to the countries and explore.
In conclusion
, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not weak
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
are skilled
and experienced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to be in a high position job.
However
, they should have the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
of various of motives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake found.
theyought
to accept that there's new generation that can adapt and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
rapidly
to the new world.
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IELTS essay the topic of old people who retire at the age of 60 or 65 and wish to continue working as long as they want

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
286 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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