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The threat of cyberwarfare is reality or fiction?

The threat of cyberwarfare is reality or fiction? DwpbA
Year is 2021, world changes too fast and develops brand new technologies for our every day usage, from computers to communication devices. But with every "technological revolution" comes negative effects - cyber hacktivism (also named cyberwarfare). Some people now can say, that serious wars through the World Wide Web sounds like a story from science-fiction books or TV series and others will acclaim with it and give their own examples of such actions. Is it real nowadays to have a war on the Internet, I will try to explore this topic in the next paragraphs. Firstly, cyber wars in the 21st century is the reality and we can face with it too often. That happens because of growth of technological power, if mobile phones 15 years ago could poorly enter to the Web Browser, now - such devices can have hadware like in a computer or laptop (or even faster). From small gadgets individuals can hack not everything but a result for the opponent will be harmful. Using only a small device in the hand, user can provide DDoS attack on social networks or create a bot (with the help of special software) and send it to another person. Secondly, real cyberwarfare happens only with the usage of the computers, their technological powers still unavailable for other devices. Only on a PC users can write a code, create unique applications and perform attacks due to gather important and secured data. Incidents, where hacktivism showed the real face, are enough. For example, China's military, main enemy of the USA, stole data from mainfraimes of U. S. army with plans, weapons schemes, codes. Another example - DDoS attack on famous product giants like Amazon, Ebay, Yahoo! . Because of this attack, companies lost not only clients, but earnings. Too much time was spent on repearing the services and updating web-pages, but "time is money". As far as I am concerned, in the 21st century cyber hacktivism is a reality of our life. From this story can be made a conclusion, that our world is more dangerous and unknow for us. We need to be careful with personal data in the jungles named "Internet". All our prints which can be left in this place can be used against us someday. We have to be ready for every situation and take a risk.
Year is 2021, world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and develops
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
technologies for our every day usage, from computers to communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
with every
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
technological revolution
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
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negative
effects
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
cyber
Possible spelling mistake found.
hacktivism
(
also
named
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cyberwarfare
).
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Some
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people


This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can say, that serious wars through the World Wide Web sounds like a story from science-fiction books or TV series
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
will acclaim with it and give their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
examples of such actions. Is it real nowadays to have a war on the Internet, I will try to explore this topic in the
next
paragraphs.

Firstly
, cyber wars in the 21st century is the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
reality and
we can face with it too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
. That happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of growth of technological power, if mobile phones 15 years ago could
poorly
enter to the Web Browser,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
can

have
Possible spelling mistake found.
hadware
like in a computer or laptop (or even faster). From
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
gadgets individuals can hack not everything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a result for the opponent will be harmful. Using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
in the hand, user can provide DDoS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attack
on social networks
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
or


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
create
a bot (with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of special software) and
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send
it to another person.

Secondly
, real
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cyberwarfare
happens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
with the usage of the computers, their technological powers
still
unavailable for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Only
on a PC users can write a code, create unique applications and perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attacks
due to gather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and secured data.

Incidents, where
Possible spelling mistake found.
hacktivism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the real face, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.
For example
, China's military, main enemy of the USA, stole data from
Possible spelling mistake found.
mainfraimes
of U. S. army with plans, weapons schemes, codes. Another example
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
DDoS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attack
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous


product giants like Amazon,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ebay
, Yahoo!
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Because of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attack
,
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companies
lost not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
clients,
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but
earnings. Too much time
was spent
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
repearing
the services and updating web-pages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
time is money
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.

As far as I
am concerned
, in the 21st century cyber
Possible spelling mistake found.
hacktivism
is a reality of our life. From this story can
be made
a conclusion, that our world is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
unknow
for us. We need to be careful with personal data in the jungles named
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Internet
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. All our prints which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
in this place can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
against us

someday. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be ready for every situation and take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
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IELTS essay The threat of cyberwarfare is reality or fiction?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
389 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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