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The thing I like the most

The thing I like the most lqJyW
The thing I like the most in the world is not a great diamond, money or power but a little clever girl. She comes from a “hidden land” so I never ever think about it before. I’m not going to tell anyone where I knew her and what was the first thing we talked about. She does not look like a princess walking out from a fairy tale when we first met, but I wanted to meet her again. So I met her again! Annieee has shoulder-length black hair, shining face and she always smiles, she makes good feelings for anyone she meets. Sometimes we talk about work, sometimes we just drink coffee and see the beautiful scene outside of the coffee shop’s windows. She likes a coffee shop with a piano & big windows. Someday I wish I could find a coffee shop with a nice view and listen when she touches her fingers on the piano. I wish she would always smile and be happy in her private world even if she talks about it to me or not.
The thing I like the most in the world is not a great diamond, money or power
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
clever girl.

She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from a “hidden land”
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I never ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. I’m not going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
anyone where I knew her and what was the
first
thing we talked about.

She does not look like a princess walking out from a fairy tale when we
first
met,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
her again.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I met her again!

Possible spelling mistake found.
Annieee
has shoulder-length black hair, shining
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
face and
she always smiles, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
feelings for anyone she meets.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
we talk about work,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
drink
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
scene
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
shop’s windows.

She likes a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
shop with a piano &
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
windows.

Someday I wish I could find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
shop with a nice view and listen when she touches her fingers on the piano.

I wish she would always smile and be happy in her private world even if she talks about it to me or not.
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IELTS essay The thing I like the most

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
181 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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