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Obesity is putting a strain on the health care sector.

Obesity is putting a strain on the health care sector. pe38y
The issue of obesity seems to create a negative impact on our healthcare. It is the opinion of a few that the best solution for this issue is to encourage physical activities at educational institutions. I completely agree with this opinion, because students can achieve a healthy lifestyle through this process. First of all, students can get involved in sports activities at school. This would assist the young to keep fit and stay active, which would be the ideal weight loss treatment at present. Allowing sports and exercises to be a part of the school curriculum will bring forth a positive change in the life of the students. For instance, some schools have made extracurricular activities to be compulsory subjects. Organizing sports meets as well as awarding the best athletes, would create a more encouraging environment for the students to pursue sports in their daily life. Secondly, schools’ implementation of such activities, would in the long run be of aid to transmit the valuable lessons into the student’s families. If one person can set an example for the whole family, this chain of positive thoughts will enable the rest of the family members to join hands in keeping physically healthy and to be within the range of their weight according to their height. The Body Mass Index (BMI) should be something that everyone should be aware about, and schools can ensure that students have a better understanding as to how they could achieve the levels required. In conclusion, it is vital that students be exposed to exercising, sports, and any other physical activity because this would be the ideal method to address the issue of obesity, which is currently acting as an overhaul over the medical sector.
The issue of obesity seems to create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on our healthcare. It is the opinion of a few that the best solution for this issue is to encourage physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
at educational institutions. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can achieve a healthy lifestyle through this process.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This would assist the young to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit and stay active, which would be the ideal weight loss treatment at present. Allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and exercises to be a part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum will bring forth a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the life of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have made extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to be compulsory subjects. Organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
meets
as well
as awarding the best athletes, would create a more encouraging environment for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in their daily life.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools’
implementation of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, would in the long run be of aid to transmit the valuable lessons into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
families. If one person can set an example for the whole family, this chain of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thoughts will enable the rest of the family members to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
hands in keeping
physically
healthy and to be within the range of their weight according to their height. The Body Mass Index (BMI) should be something that everyone should be aware about, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a better understanding as to how they could achieve the levels required.

In conclusion
, it is vital that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
be exposed
to exercising,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, and any other physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this would be the ideal method to address the issue of obesity, which is
currently
acting as an overhaul over the medical sector.
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IELTS essay Obesity is putting a strain on the health care sector.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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