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The table shows the number of mobile phones and personal computers per 1000 people in 2003 in 6 different counties Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The table shows the number of mobile phones and personal computers per 1000 people in 2003 in 6 different counties
In recent days, physical health has become a craze and this outweighs the importance of inner happiness. Both youngsters and middle aged groups believe that if they have a well toned body structure, they are capable of achieving in athletics; therefore, they invest more of their time and money in the gym and other strength equipments. It is clearly seen that athletes are under pressure to maintain their physique in order to get applause from the subordinates. This essay will elaborate more on both of the given topics. To begin with, sports definitely require a well built sportsman; therefore it is obviously important for a person to have a good built and stamina to achieve targets in sports. For example, most of the famous athletes from the Olympics and other international events, have been a live example for those who admire to lead in sports. Furthermore, maintaining a healthy lifestyle includes allocating some time for physical exercises; however major, athletics strongly insist the participants have lots of energy to cope-up with practises. Secondly, mental fitness is equally discussed under the essentials of sports. For instance, we can obviously notice some inspirational quotes given in social media and personalised profiles of sportsmen; such as, motivational speech and some mantras they follow to achieve certain targets. Meditation and yoga are some of the recent topics which is inevitable for a strong and healthy mind. Once you have a peaceful, healthy and pure mind, you can simply focus to achieve success. To sum up, Physical strength does not overcome any particular aspect of sports to create any significance. Therefore, most of the well known athletic people have proven the secret as to follow both, and get succeeded. In future there may be some more awareness; so that, everyone will be educated well about the importance of both the fitnesses.
In recent days, physical health has become a craze and this outweighs the importance of inner happiness. Both youngsters and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
middle aged
groups believe that if they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
toned body structure, they are capable of achieving in athletics;
therefore
, they invest more of their time and money in the gym and other strength equipments. It is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that athletes are under pressure to maintain their physique in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
applause from the subordinates. This essay will elaborate more on both of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
topics.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
definitely require a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well built
sportsman;
therefore
it is
obviously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a person to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
built and stamina to achieve targets in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For example
, most of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
athletes from the Olympics and other international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, have been a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
example for those who admire to lead in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Furthermore
, maintaining a healthy lifestyle includes allocating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time for physical exercises;
however
major, athletics
strongly
insist the participants have lots of energy to cope-up with
Possible spelling mistake. 'practises' is British English.
practises
.

Secondly
, mental fitness is
equally
discussed under the essentials of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For instance
, we can
obviously
notice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inspirational quotes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in social media and
Possible spelling mistake. 'personalised' is British English.
personalised
profiles of sportsmen; such as, motivational speech and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mantras they follow to achieve certain targets. Meditation and yoga are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
recent topics which is inevitable for a strong and healthy mind. Once you have a peaceful, healthy and pure mind, you can
simply
focus to achieve success.

To sum up, Physical strength does not overcome any particular aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to create any significance.
Therefore
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
known athletic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have proven the secret as to follow both, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
succeeded. In future there may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more awareness;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, everyone will
be educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
about the importance of both the
Possible spelling mistake found.
fitnesses
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay The table shows the number of mobile phones and personal computers per 1000 people in 2003 in 6 different counties

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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