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The table below gives information about the languages that high school students speak at home in one school district in the USA. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The table below gives information about the languages that high school students speak at home in one school district in the USA.
International tourism has gained a growing popularity in recent years. Travelling around the world is becoming more affordable and some countries allow a number of tourists to visit their countries. While this trend has some advantages, including financial and cultural, there are also a few of the disadvantages in associated with environmental problems. On the one hand, international tourism is advantageous in many countries. Today, many countries, including developing and underdeveloped countries, improve their economy thanks to international visitors. For example, some countries in Africa such as Namibia, Mali and Uganda, are considerably dependent on the income of tourism. Moreover, international tourism provides plenty of job opportunities in local communities, which, in turn, boosts their economies. For example, Antalya, which is the most popular touristic destination in Turkey, has become a popular city for young people in the search of jobs over the last years. Without international travellers, which is the main driver of the local economy, local businesses run in Antalya would bankrupt and many people would move to other cities due to the lack of employment. Therefore, it should not be neglected the advantages of the increase in international tourism. On the other hand, the fact that global tourism has a few of drawbacks should not be ignored. Tourism activities around the globe are threatening the environment. To illustrate, international flights cause air pollution. Additionally, carbon dioxide emissions, which caused by international flights, contribute climate change. However, according to Greenpeace, air planes only account for 10% of carbon dioxide emissions on the planet. Another issue is that international travellers, sometimes, may harm the natural beauty of the destinations visited. For example, tonnes of disposable items thrown away by foreign tourists were collected in Everest only last year. Thus, international tourism may become a threat to the environment. In conclusion, the number of international travellers has increased recently due to the affordability of travelling around the world, and many countries welcome those travellers. In my opinion, the advantages of this trend overshadows the disadvantages of it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
has gained a growing popularity in recent years. Travelling around the world is becoming more affordable and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
a number of tourists to visit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. While this trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages, including financial and cultural, there are
also
a few of the disadvantages in associated with environmental problems.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is advantageous in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, including developing and underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their economy thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
visitors.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in Africa such as Namibia, Mali and Uganda, are
considerably
dependent on the income of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of job opportunities in local communities, which, in turn, boosts their economies.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Antalya
, which is the most popular touristic destination in Turkey, has become a popular city for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the search of jobs over the last years. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
, which is the main driver of the local economy, local businesses run in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Antalya
would bankrupt and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to other cities due to the lack of employment.
Therefore
, it should not
be neglected
the advantages of the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
tourism.

On the other hand
, the fact that global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
has a few of drawbacks should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourism
activities around the globe are threatening the environment. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
flights cause air pollution.
Additionally
, carbon dioxide emissions, which caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
flights, contribute climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
However
, according to Greenpeace, air
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
account for 10% of carbon dioxide emissions on the planet. Another issue is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, may harm the natural beauty of the destinations visited.
For example
, tonnes of disposable items thrown away by foreign tourists
were collected
in Everest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
last year.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
may become a threat to the environment.

In conclusion
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
has increased recently due to the affordability of travelling around the world, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
welcome those
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
. In my opinion, the advantages of this trend overshadows the disadvantages of it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The table below gives information about the languages that high school students speak at home in one school district in the USA.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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