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An enjoyable job is far better than a high-salary or boring job, do you agree or disagree? What do you think is important? v.1

An enjoyable job is far better than a high-salary or boring job, What do you think is important? v. 1
It is the fact that the best choice of work with people like fields rather than the gain more wages or a dislike sector. While I acknowledge that we have been working with selected jobs which we want, however, I do not believe that a high salary gives ecstatic. On the one hand, those who think that joyful work is better because people can be doing a job with interested and easily finished the work. Subsequently, people would be well-being and without stress spend time with family and alive. Also, sometimes, they can innovate new ideas and it is benefits for the company and for them. As a result, they can work for the organization and them as well. In short, selected designation always be a perfect choice for people. On the other hand, there are diverse drawbacks by people work for merely high paid and other fields. Firstly, people can get more money, but they cannot be happy in their life because they are mostly busy to work and without a mood, they have to do it. So, they always under stress and also they cannot spend time with family and friends. Secondly, they can be thought about work and their job, then they mentally disturb and suffering from high illness. Thus, people work without like they can feel exhausted and stressful. To conclude, due to, people do conveniently work than more salary work or without interest. I consider that people have to work which is they like and comfortable, it is best to do the work and stay happily alive.
It is the fact that the best choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like fields
rather
than the gain more wages or a dislike sector. While I acknowledge that we have been working with selected jobs which we want,
however
, I do not believe that a high salary gives ecstatic.

On the one hand, those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that joyful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be doing a job with interested and
easily
finished the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Subsequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be well-being and without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
spend time with family and alive.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, they can innovate new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and it is benefits for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and for them.
As a result
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the organization and them
as well
. In short, selected designation always be a perfect choice for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, there are diverse drawbacks by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
merely
high paid and other fields.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they cannot be happy in their life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
mostly
busy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and without a mood, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they always under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
also
they cannot spend time with family and friends.
Secondly
, they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and their job, then they mentally disturb and suffering from high illness.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without like they can feel exhausted and stressful.

To conclude
, due to,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
conveniently
Use "worker" to make a comparison with this adjective.
work
than more salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or without interest. I consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which is they like and comfortable, it is best to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and stay
happily
alive.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay An enjoyable job is far better than a high-salary or boring job, What do you think is important? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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