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Essay topic: In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries, some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give v.1

Essay topic: In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries, some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. 1
Some would say that technology devices are being excessively used to monitor people's work and they do not aware of this and it is common now. This essay will argue that despite people do not have privacy when they are talking and doing things if they are monitoring, it may decline crime rates and this means that its advantages do not out weight its drawbacks. One evident benefit of having observed people through technological devices is that the government can detect criminals. That is to say that, the terrorists are increasing day by day and the police can track them by hearing their conversation through a detecting device. This will help a nation to avoid serious repercussions that might happen in the future. For example, recently daily star published an article where they mentioned that after observing criminals a month through tracking device the police can catch them and if the police were not able to capture them it may bring a dangerous situation for the country. This means that the tracking device is essential. Today, people do not have the privacy to talk or doing their work because of mass devices use to surveillance their activities. These fears make them concern about the detection of devices. Many people are against their idea and even they protest to stop these activities because they have a personal life that they can not want to reveal in the real world. For example, last year many people participated in a rally where they told that Google should stop to steal information from the general public, however, they should not enter into personal information. In conclusion, although people do not have a personal secret. So the government should enforce the law for not using these things in the people's personal life, this idea helps to prevent a large scale terrorist attract and this means its advantages do not outweigh drawbacks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would say that technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
are being
excessively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to monitor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they do not aware of this and it is common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. This essay will argue that despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have privacy when they are talking and doing things if they are monitoring, it may decline crime rates and this means that its advantages do not out weight its drawbacks.

One evident benefit of having observed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can detect criminals.
That is
to say that, the terrorists are increasing day by day and the police can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
them by hearing their conversation through a detecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a nation to avoid serious repercussions that might happen in the future.
For example
, recently
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
daily star
published an article where they mentioned that after observing criminals a month through tracking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
the police can catch them and if the police were not able to capture them it may bring a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situation for the country. This means that the tracking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
is essential.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have the privacy to talk or doing their work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to surveillance their activities. These fears
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them concern about the detection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are against their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and even they protest to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
these activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
life that they can not want to reveal in the real world.
For example
, last year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
participated in a rally where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that Google should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to steal information from the
Consider using "public".
general public
,
however
, they should not enter into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
secret.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should enforce the law for not using these things in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
life, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
a large scale terrorist attract and this means its advantages do not outweigh drawbacks.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Essay topic: In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries, some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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