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The advisor expresses her opinion of online courses. State her opinion and the reasons she gives for having that opinion. v.1

The advisor expresses her opinion of online courses. State her opinion and the reasons she gives for having that opinion. v. 1
It is commonly believed that art plays a fundamental role in society as artists are able to express their thoughts and their culture in their work. In my opinion, children should take a craft course, because they can develop creativity and learn to express themselves in their art work, but it should not be taught to the detriment of other subjects. It stands to reason that art subject is of great importance in the wholesome development of children. First and foremost, atheistic subject plays a crucial role in fertilizing the children’s imagination. To be more specific, the way that arts-rich education approach the subject matter coerces students into brainstorming, creating original artwork and developing their own ideas, which are the soft skills that can foster creativity. Performing arts students, therefore, show greater flexibility and adaptability in thinking than their peers. Moreover, not only does craft-making boost children's creative thinking but also gives infants a helping hand in articulating intentions and offering constructive criticism. In other words, young children who do not have the linguistic capabilities to put their ideas into language can use works of art to convey meaning through pictures and symbols. Thanks to the arts, psychiatrists can gain an insight into what children think and feel, therefore, curing a number of cases of autism. Having said that, regardless of how useful the study of art is for children, art should not be prior to other subjects by all means. First of all, physical exertion is imperative to children's upbringing. If students neither take up sports nor do exercises, malformations could be expected. Furthermore, it is necessary for school governors to stress on mathematics. To be more specific, a number of fields, such as space exploration and science, are relying on mathematical principles to do the most basic aspects of their work to test hypotheses. As a result, assessing children on their mathematical performance will do wonders for their future path. In conclusion, while art certainly helps a child develop creativity as well as express their thoughts, it should be taught equally alongside all other subjects. A school curriculum should offer a balance of subjects.
It is
commonly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
plays a fundamental role in society as artists are able to express their thoughts and their culture in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should take a craft course,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can develop creativity and learn to express themselves in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should not
be taught
to the detriment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
subjects.

It stands to reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is of great importance in the wholesome development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
First
and foremost, atheistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
plays a crucial role in fertilizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
imagination. To be more specific, the way that arts-rich education approach the
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "subject".
subject matter
coerces students into brainstorming, creating original artwork and developing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, which are the soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that can foster creativity. Performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
students,
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
greater flexibility and adaptability in thinking than their peers.

Moreover
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does craft-making boost children's creative thinking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
gives infants a helping hand in articulating intentions and offering constructive criticism. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who do not have the linguistic capabilities to put their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
into language can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
works of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
to convey meaning through pictures and symbols. Thanks to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, psychiatrists can gain an insight into what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and feel,
therefore
, curing a number of cases of autism.

Having said that, regardless of how useful the study of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should not be prior to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
by all means.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, physical exertion is imperative to children's upbringing. If students neither take up sports nor do exercises, malformations could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
Furthermore
, it is necessary for school governors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on mathematics. To be more specific, a number of fields, such as space exploration and science, are relying on mathematical principles to do the most basic aspects of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
hypotheses.
As a result
, assessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on their mathematical performance will do wonders for their future path.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a child develop creativity
as well
as express their thoughts, it should
be taught
equally
alongside all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. A school curriculum should offer a balance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The advisor expresses her opinion of online courses. State her opinion and the reasons she gives for having that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
356 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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