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The speakers discuss a problem that the man has. Briefly summarize the problem. Then state what you think the man should do, and explain why. v.1

The speakers discuss a problem that the man has. Briefly summarize the problem. Then state what you think the man should do, and explain why. v. 1
The revolution of mobile technology has smoothened the communication compared to last decade. Some people argue that mobile communication is creating a barrier between people, I strongly counter the argument as the applications of the mobile are more rather than the implications. Firstly, the primary use of the phone is to bridge a communication between two people. With the abreast of mobile technologies and applications humans are able to communicate with the people from different parts of the world, not only verbally but also by making video calls, this is also playing a vital role in communicating among the people with hearing and speaking disabilities. Social media apps such as Facebook and Instagram are creating a platform for people to share their requirements such as blood donation or to share an invitation to a massive group of people in a short span. And this is happening only because of the updates in mobile technology Secondly, It has also able to support financially. The development of apps such as G-pay and Paytm, people is able to send amount with a click or touch. Not only they are sending but also they can avail pre-approved loans without waiting for various verifications. Thus the mobile technology is creating a platform for helping among the people. To Conclude, with the development of apps, mobile technology is not helping emotionally but also financially. Though the excessive usage of mobiles has its own repercussion, they can be handled by implementing laws on the usage. Nevertheless the mobile technology is making the world to socialize, but in a different format
The revolution of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has smoothened the communication compared to last decade.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that mobile communication is creating a barrier between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I
strongly
counter the argument as the applications of the mobile are more
rather
than the implications.

Firstly
, the primary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the phone is to bridge a communication between two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. With
The phrase 'the abreast of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the abreast of
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and applications humans are able to communicate with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
verbally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
by making video calls, this is
also
playing a vital role in communicating among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with hearing and speaking disabilities. Social media apps such as Facebook and Instagram are creating a platform for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to share their requirements such as blood donation or to share an invitation to a massive group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a short span. And this is happening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the updates in mobile
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
technology


Secondly
, It has
also
able to support
financially
. The development of apps such as G-pay and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Paytm
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
amount with a click or touch. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they are sending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can avail pre-approved loans without waiting for various verifications.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is creating a platform for helping among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To Conclude
, with the development of apps, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is not helping
emotionally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
financially
. Though the excessive usage of mobiles has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
repercussion, they can
be handled
by implementing laws on the usage.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is making the world to socialize,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
format
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The speakers discuss a problem that the man has. Briefly summarize the problem. Then state what you think the man should do, and explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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