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The space travel has been used for some time and some people believe that it will be available in the future.Do you think it negative or positive?

The space travel has been used for some time and some people believe that it will be available in the future. Do you think it negative or positive? E7xjB
The term "Space travel" has been used and already become popular among individuals over the past few years. To my mind, this trend could lead to both negative and positive results in equal measure. On the one hand, the space tourism gives a great opportunity to explore space, and gather useful and vital information about it. Some countries, for example, tend to send rockets to the cosmos in order to be aware of what kind of useful minerals, fossil fuels or other things are there. As a result of this, in the future, they will try to find the ways to bring and use them on the Earth. Secondly, some people in the world are eager for this mode of travel to have not solely an irreplaceable but also unusual excitement and adventure. This trip will be remembered as the sweetest memory of their life. As a consequence of this, companies can make a profit from these interests of these consumers. They organize trips to space, and both ensure travellers with excitement and people with employment. Because of this kind of travels demand extra workforce to create the space craft. On the other hand, there are some negative sides of this trip. One of them is cost. Because it takes much time and a lot of money to create the space craft, it costs billions of money to go to the cosmos. Hence, only the wealthy can reach there. In addition to this, clients may experience depression due to the separation with their family and daily life. As a result, it can lead to both mental and physiologic disorders. In that case, they will not able to come back quickly to possess necessary medicine or help. To sum up, I believe that this development could have both good sides such as excitement, employment and minus points like expensive cost and some mental, physiologic problems equally.
The term
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Space travel
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
and already become popular among individuals over the past few years. To my mind, this trend could lead to both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results in equal measure. On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
tourism gives a great opportunity to explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
, and gather useful and vital information about it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
countries,
for example
, tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
rockets to the cosmos in order to be aware of what kind of useful minerals, fossil fuels or other things are there.
As a result
of this, in the future, they will try to find the ways to bring and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them on the Earth.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the world are eager for this mode of travel to have not
solely
an irreplaceable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
unusual excitement and adventure. This trip will
be remembered
as the sweetest memory of their life. As a consequence of this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a profit from these interests of these consumers. They organize trips to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
, and both ensure
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
with excitement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with employment.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of this kind of travels demand extra workforce to create the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
craft.
On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides of this trip. One of them
is cost
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it takes much time and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to create the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
craft, it costs billions of money to go to the cosmos.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the wealthy can reach there.
In addition
to this, clients may experience depression due to the separation with their family and daily life.
As a result
, it can lead to both mental and physiologic disorders.
In that case
, they will not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back
quickly
to possess necessary medicine or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. To sum up, I believe that this development could have both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sides such as excitement, employment and minus points like expensive cost and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mental, physiologic problems
equally
.
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IELTS essay The space travel has been used for some time and some people believe that it will be available in the future. Do you think it negative or positive?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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