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Animals are always better off in the wild

Animals are always better off in the wild n1jj2
There are numbers of zoos, animal shelters where people take care, feed, treat them. However, animals are created for a free, independent life, so in my opinion it is better for animals to live in the wild nature. To begin with, living at home, animals lose their skills in the environment. For example, the ability to hunt, get food, defend themselves. They are given food every day such as meat, feed grass and forget how to provide themselves with meal. Also, these animals need lots of space to run, feel free, but at home they can not do it. Moreover, it affects in negative way to persons too. There are some diseases that can bring animals or they might attack their keepers or other animals in their enclosure if they are scared or angry. Furthermore, it leads to extinction of endangered species. On the other hand, it is safe for them to be clean, well-fed, well-groomed. Many of them do not survive in the wild and at home conditions they feel much better. In conclusion, I believe that animals have to live in wild environment, it is their home place.
There are numbers of zoos,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
shelters where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
take care, feed, treat them.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are created
for a free, independent life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in my opinion it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the wild nature.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, living at home,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
lose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the environment.
For example
, the ability to hunt,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
food, defend themselves. They are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
food every day such as meat, feed grass and forget how to provide themselves with meal.
Also
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
need lots of space to run, feel free,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at home they can not do it.

Moreover
, it affects in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way to persons too. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases that can bring
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
animals or
they might attack their keepers or other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in their enclosure if they
are scared
or angry.
Furthermore
, it leads to extinction of endangered species.

On the other hand
, it is safe for them to be clean, well-fed, well-groomed.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them do not survive in the wild and at home conditions they feel much better.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in wild environment, it is their home place.
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IELTS essay Animals are always better off in the wild

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
190 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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