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The social situation, and the feasibility of restructuring the camps

The social situation, and the feasibility of restructuring the camps ndDAe
The results of the survey showed that 61% of the residents live in neighborhoods that include relatives. As for the degree of kinship, the results were as shown in Figure 4 shown below. We note that the largest percentage of the degree of kinship is brothers because most of the displaced families left the country together, and therefore when settling in the camps, they chose the adjacent dwelling to visit the state of family bonding in situations of displacement. Because of the importance of this, the residents' desire to restructure the camps to include neighborhoods containing relatives will be discussed in the focus groups.
The results of the survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 61% of the residents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in neighborhoods that include relatives. As for the degree of kinship, the results were as shown in Figure 4 shown below. We note that the largest percentage of the degree of kinship is brothers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the displaced families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the country together, and
therefore
when settling in the camps, they chose the adjacent dwelling to visit the state of family bonding in situations of displacement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the importance of this, the residents' desire to restructure the camps to include neighborhoods containing relatives will
be discussed
in the focus groups.

IELTS essay The social situation, and the feasibility of restructuring the camps

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
104 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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