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The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extend do yo agree?

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. doka7
Education plays a crucial role in developing youngsters for the challenges of modern era. Some people claim that educational institutions should remove art and music from their syllabus so that the children can pay more attention to crucial subjects such as information technology. I disagree with this view and this essay will discuss the reasons for it. To begin with, learning subjects such as art and music will develop young people’s creativity and enable them to think out of the box and come up with unique ideas. In modern times, students are overburdened with academic pressure. Learning art or music for an hour or so after listening to lectures on science or technology will refresh their mind and help them focus better. These subjects also help to sharpen the cognitive skills of youngsters. For instance, a recent study has suggested that students who opt for different art and musical subjects are more independent, confident and bold in decision making when they start working / when they join the workforce. Thus, it is obvious that the art and music subjects are vital for the mental development of youngsters. Furthermore, teaching students these kinds of subjects will help them to identify their non-academic interest and they can start honing their skills from school days itself. For instance, every individual has their own area of interest. Hence some students who are not performing well in educational subjects may be exceptionally good / talented in the area of art or music. If they receive training in these subjects at school, it will be beneficial for them to build a career in these fields. Hence, it is necessary to add music and art to the school curriculum. To conclude, adding the subjects such as art and music to the school curriculum will not only help the students to become proficient in their area of interest but also generate creativity in their mind and approach.
Education plays a crucial role in developing youngsters for the challenges of modern era.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that educational institutions should remove
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from their syllabus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the children can pay more attention to crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as information technology. I disagree with this view and this essay will discuss the reasons for it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
will develop young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s creativity and enable them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
out of the box and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with unique
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. In modern times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are overburdened
with academic pressure. Learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
for an hour or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
after listening to lectures on science or technology will refresh their mind and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them focus better. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to sharpen the cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of youngsters.
For instance
, a recent study has suggested that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who opt for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are more independent, confident and bold in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working / when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the workforce.
Thus
, it is obvious that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are vital for the mental development of youngsters.

Furthermore
, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to identify their non-academic
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
interest and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
honing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
days itself.
For instance
, every individual has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
area of interest.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are not performing well in educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
may be
exceptionally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
/ talented in the area of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. If they receive training in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, it will be beneficial for them to build a career in these fields.
Hence
, it is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum.

To conclude
, adding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to become proficient in their area of interest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
generate creativity in their mind and approach.
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IELTS essay The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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