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The rate of unemployment in some countries is high. Because of this, there is no need to complete an education beyond a primary school level.

Undoubtedly, nowadays, the unemployment rate has risen and as a result less career opportunities there are. Therefore, a significant proportion of graduates think of finding a temporary positions instead of entering higher education and acquiring a university degree. However, in my opinion, these two facts should not be confused because education yourself is vital not only to get a job in the future but also is beneficial for your progressing to a useful individual. So, no matter the situation which is prevailed at the job market, higher education must be supported and promoted. only happen through education.
Undoubtedly
, nowadays, the unemployment rate has risen and
as a result
less career opportunities there are.
Therefore
, a significant proportion of graduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of finding a temporary positions
instead
of entering higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and acquiring a university degree.
However
, in my opinion, these two facts should not
be confused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
yourself is vital not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job
The usual preposition for “get a job” is “with” for an organization.
in the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
is beneficial for your progressing to a useful individual.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, no matter the situation which
is prevailed
The usual collocation is “on the job” or “at work”.
at the job
market, higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be supported
and promoted.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
only
happen through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.

IELTS essay The rate of unemployment in some countries is high. Because of this, there is no need to complete an education beyond a primary school level.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
97 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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