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The rate of obesity is rising in many parts of the world. Why is this trend happening? What are its impacts?

The rate of obesity is rising in many parts of the world. Why is this trend happening? What are its impacts? rLD0J
Nowadays, owing to the growing trend of fast food and sedentary lifestyle among people, most individuals are struggling with obesity and its consequences. This essay will argue about the primary reason for increasing overweight and its significant outcomes. To begin with, by improving technology, the pace of life has been increasing rapidly compared to the past. Therefore, most people have limited time to cook for themself, consequently, the consumption of fast foods is constantly rising up among people. Fast food contains a high amount of fat and sugar which has a significant effect on increasing fatness around the world. Moreover, according to the extensive development of the world, people have become more dependent on technology and an inactive way of life. As a result of less physical activity, humans metabolism level have reduced and its lead to the reduction of burning calories in the human body and for this reason, people gain weight quickly according to the new research which is done by According to the new research which is done by WHO(World Health Organization), by increasing the rate of consuming fast food among American people in the last five years, obesity has increased by 50%. Thus, cutting down unhealthy food is the most effective and crucial way to deal with fatness. The spread of obesity has several negative impacts on human life, first of all, Weight Gain increases the risk of various dangerous illness such as diabetes and heart attack, besides physical effects, obesity also affects people's emotions, based on the latest research by Harvard university more than 80% of obese people suffer from a lack of confidence and anxiety. Therefore, the drawbacks of being overweight affect all aspects of a person's life. In conclusion, due to people’s new lifestyle, obesity has become a major concern in many countries and brings lots of pressures on human life.
Nowadays, owing to the growing trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and sedentary lifestyle among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, most individuals are struggling with obesity and its consequences. This essay will argue about the primary reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
overweight and its significant outcomes.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, by improving technology, the pace of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
rapidly
compared to the past.
Therefore
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have limited time to cook for
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
,
consequently
, the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is
constantly
rising up among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
contains a high amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and sugar which has a significant effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
fatness around the world.
Moreover
, according to the extensive development of the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become more dependent on technology and an inactive way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
As a result
of less physical activity,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
metabolism level have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and its lead to the reduction of burning calories in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
body and
for this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gain weight
quickly
according to the new research which
is done
by According to the new research which
is done
by
Did you mean "whom"?
WHO
(World Health Organization), by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the rate of consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
among American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the last five years, obesity has increased by 50%.
Thus
, cutting down unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the most effective and crucial way to deal with fatness.

The spread of obesity has several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, Weight Gain increases the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
illness such as diabetes and heart attack,
besides
physical effects, obesity
also
affects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's emotions, based on the latest research by
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Harvard university
more than 80% of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from a lack of confidence and anxiety.
Therefore
, the drawbacks of being overweight affect all aspects of a person's life.

In conclusion
, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
new lifestyle, obesity has become a major concern in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries and brings lots of pressures on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay The rate of obesity is rising in many parts of the world. Why is this trend happening? What are its impacts?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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