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the rapid increase in labor force participation

the rapid increase in labor force participation KWWDk
recent decades, the rapid increase in labor force participation has dramatically affected the child-care time of parents. Although some argue that this tendency causes disadvantages to children, there are a large number of benefits that children receive from this trade-off. It is clear that less time with children acts as an incentive for child development. First, if parents spend quality and meaningful time playing with their kids instead of quantity of time, they are likely to value the time and do not take children for granted. In fact, this not only benefits close relationships with children but also enhances unconditional love of parents, especially fathers. Second, since children do not put up with strong leadership of parents, they have a tendency to be more independent and intrinsically creative, which will be conducive to either their social life or work in the future. This means that being less reliant on others when tackling small issues such as homework or games ensures children not to be susceptible to big troubles in real life. Also, reducing time for children contributes to a better quality of life. First, by determining to work long hours, parents are likely to earn more money at the expense of child-care time, which provides children with good nutrition and health care. In fact, without working hard to earn a living, parents have to cut back on their spending of food to ensure stability in a rocky economic environment. Second, in order to afford expensive and luxury holidays for children, it requires extensive work hours for parents. As a result, children feel happier when having joyful time with their parents rather than daily schedules at home. In conclusion, less time but intensive care of parents not only brings children good development but also improves the quality of their entire life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
recent
decades, the rapid increase in labor force participation has
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the child-care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that this tendency causes disadvantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, there are
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
benefits that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
receive from this trade-off.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
acts as an incentive for child development.
First
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend quality and meaningful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing with their kids
instead
of quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they are likely to value the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and do not take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for granted. In fact, this not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefits close relationships with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enhances unconditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
especially
fathers. Second, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not put up with strong leadership of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they have a tendency to be more independent and
intrinsically
creative, which will be conducive to either their social life or work in the future. This means that being less reliant on others when tackling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
issues such as homework or games ensures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not to be susceptible to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
troubles in real life.

Also
, reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
contributes to a better quality of life.
First
, by determining to work long hours,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are likely to earn more money at the expense of child-care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, which provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
nutrition and health care. In fact, without working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn a living,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
back on their spending of food to ensure stability in a rocky economic environment. Second, in order to afford expensive and luxury holidays for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it requires extensive work hours for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
feel happier when having joyful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
rather
than daily schedules at home.

In conclusion
, less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
intensive care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the quality of their entire life.
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IELTS essay the rapid increase in labor force participation

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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