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Many land and marine animals are extincting because of people activities.

Many land and marine animals are extincting because of people activities. Y228d
It is due to deforestation and pollution which is created by people. Firstly cutting down of the forest and using it for industries for there economy development and constructing home for people. The government is giving permission for them without thinking about the lives of the animals. As a result this species loosing their natural habitat which is difficult for them to sustain their life. By this it vanishing there existence if it is continued then there will not be any species. Therefore government should not allow people to cut trees they can use other land. Secondly, polluting the water is one of the major problem for extinction of marine species. Industries which release lot of chemicals into there near sea and this continues to flow spread every lakes seas and ocean. Additionally people in there daily routine waste water without any hesitation evenmore spoil water by throwing waste into it. So authority should impose them to follow set of rules not only charge huge amount of penalty but also cutting of water supply. To conclude, it is everyone's responsibility to protect our environment using them with balance and without causing any problem to other living beings.
It is due to deforestation and pollution which
is created
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
cutting down of the forest and using it for industries for there economy development and constructing home for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is giving permission for them without thinking about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the animals.
As a result
this species loosing their natural habitat which is difficult for them to sustain their life. By this
Did you mean "it's vanishing", "it is vanishing", or "it was vanishing"?
it vanishing
there existence if it
is continued
then there will not be any species.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
trees they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
other land.
Secondly
, polluting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is one of the major problem for extinction of marine species. Industries which release
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
chemicals into there near sea and this continues to flow spread every lakes seas and ocean.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Additionally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
Did you mean "their"?
there
daily routine waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
without any hesitation
Possible spelling mistake found.
evenmore
spoil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
by throwing waste into it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
authority should impose them to follow set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
charge huge amount of penalty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
cutting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
supply.
To conclude
, it is everyone's responsibility to protect our environment using them with balance and without causing any problem to other living beings.

IELTS essay Many land and marine animals are extincting because of people activities.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
197 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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