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the purpose of the bussineeses is make more money

the purpose of the bussineeses is make more money VQlE3
4/40. Nowadays, many companies believed that the company’s goal is to make a profit and just focus on how to arise this. I disagree with this idea and I will set out the reason for this essay. Although, money made an important role in society and the company. However, the companies should take care of their employees who spend their effort and time to make products, sell them to customers, promote their products. this is understood as a worker should be treated better by the business. For example, the business can ensure that will have welfare income to cover their life. Another thing, some companies just focus on how to make more money, but they don’t care about the quality of their product. That means the companies should concentrate on the production process to bring the market quality products. For instance, they need to choose some ingradients that good for people’s heath instead of choose cheaper ingradients. Besides that, one of these factors to contribute the company that creating relationships with the government and the local peoples. For example, they should join some social activities such as using a proportion of their profits to support local charities, environmental projects, or education initiatives. As a results, this will help them last longer. In conclusion, I think besides focus on making more money, some businesses should concentrate on these factors such as treatment of employees, quality of products and having a good relationship leading to have last longer and have love from many peoples.
4/40.

Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
believed that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
goal is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a profit and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focus on how to arise this. I disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and I will set out the reason for this essay.

Although, money made an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in society and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should take care of their employees who spend their effort and time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, sell them to customers, promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
is understood
as a worker should
be treated
better by the business.
For example
, the business can ensure that will have welfare income to cover their life.

Another thing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focus on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they don’t care about the quality of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. That means the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should concentrate on the production process to bring the market quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For instance
, they need to choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
ingradients
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s heath
instead
of choose cheaper
Possible spelling mistake found.
ingradients
.

Besides
that, one of these factors to contribute the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
that creating relationships with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the local peoples.
For example
, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social activities such as using a proportion of their profits to support local charities, environmental projects, or education initiatives. As
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a result" or simply "results"?
a results
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them last longer.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
besides
focus on making more money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
businesses should concentrate on these factors such as treatment of employees, quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship leading to have last longer and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
peoples.
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IELTS essay the purpose of the bussineeses is make more money

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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