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Having a lot of international sports events may promote world peace .

Having a lot of international sports events may promote world peace. J0lVE
Providing many international sports can aid to have a world peace. I completely agree. One nuance that should be taken into consideration is the fact that, on the one hand, these worldwide sports will bring cultures togethe and they provide global friendship. For example, I hope that america and iran despite of their chronicle wars, they participate in football games in same group which is one of the opportunities to set aside their differences and play for winning. On the other hand, they will have better cross-cultural understanding. National teams often have different origins and backgrounds. For example, France football team has players from England, America and India. This also teach us to respect each other because the players listen to each other's nation song. Last but not least, these sports help to know about poor countries mainly because people want to be informed about the other country team which they are competing and will aid them by donating money. In conclusion, people will have sense of nationalism. Population of countries will be informed that all of the countries are equal.
Providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international sports can aid to have a world peace. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.

One nuance that should
be taken
into consideration is the fact that, on the one hand, these worldwide sports will bring cultures
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
togethe and
they provide global friendship.
For example
, I hope that
Possible spelling mistake found.
america
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
iran
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
their chronicle wars, they participate in football games in same group which is one of the opportunities to set aside their differences and play for winning.

On the other hand
, they will have better cross-cultural understanding. National teams
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
origins and backgrounds.
For example
, France football team has players from England, America and India. This
also
teach us to respect each other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the players listen to each other's nation song.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, these sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to know about poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to
be informed
about the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
team which they are competing and will aid them by donating money.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will have sense of nationalism. Population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will
be informed
that
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are equal.

IELTS essay Having a lot of international sports events may promote world peace.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
181 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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